Mar. 19th, 2012

lazypadawan: (badfanfiction)
Just found http://wtffanfiction.tumblr.com, kind of like Summary Executions, only with quotes from stories instead of the cracktastic summaries. You can see gems like these:

Harry Potter...

"The vampires, however, had fled, obviously no match for the Son of God's inexplicably amazing martial arts skills."

"'You idiot!’ Hermione hit Harry on the back of his head. ‘You know that Potters are known for male pregnancy. You have to be extremely careful when having sex Harry. What happens if you get pregnant with Gambit’s child? Then what are you going to do?’ Hermione asked.” (Harry Potter/X-Men, literally I suppose)

Representing Twilight...

“YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD! YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!”

“Bella made a face. 'Edward, did you just fart?' Edward squeezed his butt together. 'Maybe…'"

The good news is there's only this one bizarre Star Wars tale, a Transformers crossover...

"'Don’t be afraid' said Optimus to R2 'I’ll help you!' and Optimus bowels lights got on. Everything wwas iluminated and R2 really saw what it really was. A beautifully adorned rectum, full of portraits of Prime’s human friends that already visited the place. A camera apppeared from a wall and photographed R2-D2, and immediatelly put a portrait of him on a the bowel wall."

The majority of the stories seem to be slashy and the majority of the quotes are from sex scenes or discussion about sex, so view at your own risk. But it's hi-liarous.

December 2012

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