lazypadawan: (Default)
10. “But they said on the internet you’re gay!”
9. “He slipped a magic voodoo love potion into my Red Bull.”
8. “I’m preparing for a role as a homewrecker who steals a married man from his wife and three kids.”
7. “The director said he had my back.”
6. “Wait, we’re actually a couple?!”
5. “I was shooting a perfume ad.”
4. “I needed to dirty up my goody-two-shoes image.”
3. “I wanted to see if I could get a shout-out from Lady Gaga, and it worked!”
2. “How did you think I was going to score my next gig?”
1. “Did you really believe this was going to last beyond the final Twilight flick?”

Fun Mural

Feb. 20th, 2012 01:27 pm
lazypadawan: (Default)
This Moebius-like piece by Ulises Farinas features scores of Star Wars and non-Star Wars characters in a busy Tatooine city scene. See what you can spot:
lazypadawan: (Default)
10. Princess Leia

Oh sure, everybody loves her. She’s pure-hearted, just, and believes in freedom for the galaxy. She kicks a lot of butt.

But she’s also the kind of gal who will run your butt from one end of Hoth base to the other. Leaders like her are very demanding, even if they do say please and thank you. If you screw up and Her Worshipfulness is in a bad mood, i.e. Han did something to tick her off, watch out. She can’t Force choke you like her Pops but she’s armed with something almost as lethal: her cutting sarcasm.

9. Grand Moff Tarkin

He’s gentlemanly and seems like a very nice guy. Even if I had no problem with his willingness to destroy a planet mostly full of innocents, I do have a problem with a boss willing to risk his 1,000,000 employees’ lives after an analyst advises him there’s a danger the Rebel’s attack plan could succeed. Tarkin is willing to go down with the ship but that’s his business. Why take everybody else with him?

8. Watto

It’s bad enough he’s cranky, gruff, and probably cheap. Bad enough that is if you’re getting paid. With Watto you DON’T get paid. Benefits? You get to live in a crappy dusty hovel. And if you try to quit, all he has to do is push a button and you’re blown to pieces. Where do I sign up?/sarc

7. Admiral Ozzel

You just can’t respect a moron, especially one who could get you killed because he couldn’t surprise the enemy the right way.

6. Count Dooku

As evidenced by AOTC and CW, Dooku doesn’t treat his employees very well. He hangs his contractors out to dry. He betrays his employees when it’s convenient and then tries to kill them. What a jerk.

5. Jabba the Hutt

Talk about a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen! Not to mention hostile co-workers, unsanitary conditions, Jabba’s temperamental behavior, man-eating pets, and the added bonus of getting killed by Luke and his friends just because you happen to be there.

4. General Grievous

He prefers to hire droids, which is just as well because he treats them like dirt. Always pushing them out of the way and yelling at them. When push comes to shove, he runs away, leaving his underlings to be destroyed by a lightsaber blade or explosion.

3. Darth Vader

Vader has zero tolerance for error and couldn’t care less about being fair. He bullies the Imperial officers in his command and it’s obvious he has no respect for most of them. He just wants it when he wants it and if you can’t deliver, he chokes you then promotes the next guy in line. He’ll remind you over and over that you’re expendable. But what else would you expect from a guy who choked his own wife, tortured his daughter, and maimed his son?

2. Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious

The man tricks and manipulates you into working for him and what do you get in return? You get maimed, burned, and ultimately betrayed when someone better comes along. The only upward mobility there is among the Sith is to kill your boss and your boss knows it. Oh by the way, your boss is way more powerful than you are. Talk about a dead end job.

1. General Krell

You can at least admire Palpatine’s intelligence or Vader’s willingness to fly alongside regular pilots and get into the thick of battle. Watto has a teensy tiny soft spot. Jabba is at least a great crime boss who managed to hold on to his mini-empire for a long time.

But Krell sits on his rear at the rear, callously lets his men get killed, and threatens any peon who looks at him the wrong way. Ruffle his feathers and he’ll call for your execution. WTF? Unlike almost everyone on my list, he’s not a Sith, an ally of evil, a slave owner, or a criminal. He’s supposed to be a GOOD guy!

He’s not fair. He’s not just. And worst of all, he’s not even competent, except I suppose with a lightsaber.

The sad part is, I’m sure many of you have encountered a real-life Krell!
lazypadawan: (wtf)
Who knew that Amanda Lucas, the 30-year-old daughter of Papa George, was hiding out in the Ivory Coast? Or that Papa George has actually been dead since 2003 (or was it 2007), possibly murdered at the hands of a nefarious uncle out to steal his billions? (Apparently the guy passing himself off as Lucas is a mere doppelganger.) Also, Skywalker Ranch is a sham...Lucas's real base of operations was in the Ivory Coast. The poor woman is so distraught she forgot she has a brother and a sister, that Marcia Lucas isn't dead, and that she is no longer a 21-year-old undergraduate. Perhaps the trauma is driving her to madness. But if you help her out, you'll get a cut of the $10,700,000 inheritance coming her way. Ten million? That's it?

From Scam of the Day:
lazypadawan: (Default)
1. Sunglasses Shop, Tatooine

Here’s a planet with two suns yet nobody wears any eye protection, save for the Tusken Raiders and the hooded Jawas. Okay, I know the practical reason for it; you’d get taken out of the GFFA if you saw Luke whip on a pair of Ray Bans to gaze at the Tatooine sunset. But I have to squint without sunglasses on a sunny day on Earth. With TWO suns, I couldn’t see a darn thing. Wouldn’t Tatooine’s moisture farmers and dusty town denizens appreciate a little relief? I bet they would.

2. Railing Manufacturer

The GFFA has it all it seems, except for railings around dangerous, bottomless pits. Or if there are railings, they are not very high. Someone with the know-how to create safe railings would make zillions off of the Republic or Empire’s government contracts alone.

3. Personal Injury Lawyer

With the galaxy’s citizens prone to getting shot, hacked with a lightsaber, beaten by a gaffi stick, run over by pod racers, falling into bottomless pits, choked or electrocuted by angry Sith Lords, tossed into hungry Sarlaccs, poisoned by darts, eaten by rancors, slashed by wampas, blown up by Death Stars, and stomped by AT-ATs, the pickings are ripe for ambulance chasers.

4. Shoe Store For Non-Humans

You know what really sucks about being a Wookiee, Gungan, or Ewok? There are no shoes! Everybody else in the galaxy can find footwear but for some of those alien races. Why does the galactic shoe industry ignore them? Do they really think Chewie likes getting gum and broken pieces of glass in his foot? Or that Jar Jar likes walking on the hot sands of Tatooine barefoot? Or that Bossk likes exposing everyone to his toe cheese? Even Yoda can’t find shoes. It's a shame.

5. Cosmetic Surgeon

Watto could use a nose job. Jabba the Hutt needed some lipo. The droid surgeons on Coruscant turned Darth Vader into a big hulking monstrosity; with all of that tech, you'd figure they'd have Vaderkin looking hotter than before. Darth Sidious needs a LOT of work. Yet there seems to be no cosmetic surgeons anywhere in the galaxy. Where's Leia supposed to get her some botox? Where's a handmaiden supposed to get boob implants? I can't believe Beverly Hills is way ahead of the Star Wars universe on this one.
lazypadawan: (lulz)
Time to lighten things up a little...frankly, I can't believe they did this but it still made me laugh:

Wonder what that trooper's nickname is going to be?
lazypadawan: (Default)
I looked at the "junk" box in my lp e-mail account and there was a message from "Anakin Skywalker." Now I knew that it was not from Mr. Skywalker nor could it have been from anyone I know; 99.99% of the stuff in the junk box is spam. But I was curious to see what it was about. The return e-mail was "" and this was the text:

"Hey, this is pretty interesting!how are ya? I thought you might find this interestingJust wanted to let you know about these new supplements I tried. I lost 12 pounds in just a week and a half. Best thing, it cost almost nothing. Check it out here"

I removed the link because God knows what it is. But Anakin's the last guy who needs to lose 12 pounds in 10 days. At least it wasn't Anakin asking me to get the 15 million Republic credits in a bank account in Nigeria that somebody left for him, but I need to give him $10,000 good faith money first.
lazypadawan: (Default)
Sandra Lee hosts "Semi Homemade," a Food Network show that features over-the-top decor, bizarre "recipes" from thrown-together ingredients, and cocktails. LOTS of cocktails.

It's too late to ruin for any of her Hanukkah ideas, but Christmas and Kwanzaa are still just around the corner!

Do you love to drink? Well, Sandra has a Christmas tree just for you lushes:

Barware as Christmas decorations! Gee, not even Martha Stewart has ever thought of that! I hear that originally Sandra wanted to put an angel holding a cosmo on top of the tree, but the producers thought that was in bad taste.

Now watch as Lee concocts this delicious Kwanzaa cake made entirely from, as one YouTube wag put it, ingredients you can buy at the gas station:

I love how Lee won't use the name Corn Nuts. ROTFL!
lazypadawan: (Default)
Programming note: Because of a family emergency on Wednesday night, I've decided to drop 'lazy ghost hunting' and add something a little less labor intensive instead.

Cut For Lulz-Worthy Movie Costumes )
lazypadawan: (Clone Wars Crew)
A few years ago, I posted on the likely musical tastes of your favorite SW characters if they had access to Earthly music and an iPod:

With fresh Clone Wars on the way in a couple of days, I figure why not figure out what the CW crew would likely download?

Ahsoka--Ahsoka is at a crossroads. She's too old for Justin Bieber but she's too young for hipster acts like Arcade Fire. So much of her guidance for cool music comes from stuff like the Twilight soundtracks. I think she'd really like Paramore. She also likes the stuff her Master listens to, but Anakin will only download the clean versions for her, much to her annoyance. It's nothing she doesn't hear from the clones on a daily basis anyway, so what's the big deal? Hmpf.

Captain Rex--Rex likes to rock out, whether it's to classic heavy metal/hard rock like AC/DC or industrial-influenced stuff like Rammstein. It gets him pumped for battle. In his quiet moments, he likes him some country music, especially that song about tequila making the clothes fall off faster.

Asajj Ventress--[ profile] darth_pipes has said before that Ventress is the Lady Gaga of the SW universe, so I'm sure Ventress would believe Gaga might make for an excellent Sith, one with a good beat you can dance to. I'm sure Ventress has a meat dress in her closet somewhere too.

Aurra Sing--Aurra is the ultimate music snob, someone who makes the characters in "High Fidelity" look like total pikers. Panic at the Disco? Dude, so five years ago. She's been known to shoot people for liking the wrong bands.

Cad Bane--Anything with "swagga." You know what it is, or you don't, and Bane DEFINITELY knows what it is.

Hondo--Old school outlaw country music. The longer the criminal record of the performer, the better.

General Grievous--Why, heavy metal of course! I think though he'd lean more towards recent acts like Slipknot or Him.

Satine--You thought I was going to say the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, right? Heh heh. Nope. I think Satine's favorite new tune is Sara Bareilles's "King of Anything." It makes her think of Obi-Wan.

Yularen--Classical music, of course. Anything that will take away the headaches Anakin and Ahsoka induce.

Padme Amidala--She completely thinks Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" is like her and Anakin's new secret song. (And we all know she's a bit of a tease too, heh heh.)

Obi-Wan--Still likes show tunes and drinking songs.

Anakin--If it is loud, fast, or has an "explicit" warning, he's down for it. That includes rap and hip hop, which annoys Obi-Wan. His repeat track of the summer is Jay Z's "Empire State of Mind." Wonder why?
lazypadawan: (Default)

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

If I only made money like Stephen King.
lazypadawan: (tesbhan&leia)
Things From Another World is pitching some tasty, tasty tauntaun steak:

And I thought they tasted good on the inside.
lazypadawan: (Default)
You can blame [ profile] darth_pipes for the idea behind this icon:

lazypadawan: (Default)
For anyone who's following American Idol this season:

lazypadawan: (Default)
Several years ago, I was on a flight to Hawaii with my family. I sat next to my brother on the plane and while we were watching the in-flight movie, we kept laughing at the obvious dubs over all of the curse words (I don't remember the film except that I knew it was rated R in its theatrical release), a necessity for a general audience.

Dubbing over offensive language doesn't bother me but sometimes the creative things they have to do to get around some of the original dialogue can have rather hilarious results.

A particularly famous dub is from The Big Lebowski. In the film, someone says something like, "this is what happens when you f*** a stranger in the @$$." Of course, even that is too much for cable t.v. broadcast standards, so the line was changed to the nonsensical "this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps." Supposedly, John Goodman purposefully came up with the most ridiculous phrase he could think of that would fit. A similar line is dubbed "do you see what happens when you fix a stranger scrambled eggs?"

Another very famous dub is from Die Hard. The most famous line in the film--"yippie ki yay, motherf*****"--was infamously changed to "yippie ki yay, Mr. Falcon." In fact, there was a discussion about that while I was in line outside of the convention center one morning at Celebration IV. There's another version of that line, "Yippie ki yay, melon farmer!" Or "Yippie ki yay, my friend!" Or "Yippie ki yay, Kemosabe!"

Another good one is a line from The Usual Suspects where "f****** c***sucker" becomes "fairy godmother."

Then there's another one that has surged in popularity in recent years. The most famous line in Snakes On A Plane is, "Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherf***** snakes on this motherf***** plane!" Well, you can't say that even on the cable channel FX, so the line was altered to, "I've had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!" I'm not making this can find clips of it on YouTube and you can even buy a t-shirt on Zazzle.

At least that's not a problem in SW ;).

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