OT: My 10 Worst Songs of 2010
Dec. 13th, 2010 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lazypadawanBoy, did music SUCK this year. UGH. Believe it or not, there's a real contender for knocking "Who Let The Dogs Out?" out of the top spot as my most hated song of the '00s.
Why was every other song by Bruno Mars? How come everything has to be covered by the cast of "Glee?" Is there anyone who doesn't use auto tune anymore? Since when did referencing cheesy '80s hits (Enrique Iglesias ripping off Lionel Ritchie, The Black Eyed Peas ripping off that Dirty Dancing song, Train mentioning Mister Mister) become trendy? How did "I'm going to" become "Imma?" I drove through Riverside County a couple of weeks ago and I saw a billboard for a children's health initiative that said, "Imma be healthy!" Yeah, and imma sounding like an ignoramus! You know it's a dry year when I haven't even used up my last iTunes gift card yet. And most of what I downloaded this year was old school.
The only thing that was hard about putting together this list is narrowing it down to just ten, though the #1 was a fairly easy choice.
10. Everything on "Bionic"--Christina Aguilera
Aguilera is one of the most baffling personalities in the music biz. Here’s someone with natural talent who doesn’t need a trashy image or to tart herself up to make up for a lack of pipes. Yet, that’s exactly what she does! And I’m not sure why, because the only guys who seem to really dig Xtina, as she calls herself, are not the sort who will think she’s “hot,” if you catch my drift. Not only does Aguilera auto tune the heck out of her voice on “Bionic”—why???—she puts out a whole album to prove to the world she is still the “dirrrty” girl from 2003. With fun ditties about her “WooHoo” and toe tappers like “Sex For Breakfast,” I can’t imagine why the album didn’t sell nearly as well as expected or why she had to cancel her tour.
The bard speaks:
"And when the sun rises, there's one thing on my mind
I want sex for breakfast, stay inside
And even though we made sweet love all night
I need sex for breakfast, feels so right"--Sex For Breakfast
I think I prefer Cheerios.
9. Who Owns My Heart--Miley Cyrus
Now that Miley is 18, she's rapidly going off the rails like most of the Disney Girls of the past 20 years. Not like we didn't see it coming. Her video for "Who Owns My Heart" features the not-quite legal Cyrus (she was 17 at the time) writhing around in her underwear.
The bard speaks:
"R-O-C-K Mafia!" and
"Who owns my heart
Is it love or is it art?"
Neither.
8. The Collected Works of Justin Bieber
I’m not mystified by the guy’s popularity; cute doe-eyed boy singers have had screaming girls in their wake for decades. All you have to have are a few songs that appeal to 11-year-old girls and Tiger Beat looks and you’re set. What mystifies me is everybody and their dog wanting to work with him: Ludacris, Kanye West, Raekwon, Drake, Sean Kingston...even sex tape star Kim Kardashian posed for magazine photos with him. I’m surprised he didn’t do a collaboration with Arcade Fire.
The thing is no matter how many hardcore f-bomb dropping bad boy rappers and hip hop acts you put into the mix, the music still sucks.
The bard speaks:
"My first love broke my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Baby, baby, baby ohhh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine mine"--"Baby" featuring Ludacris
Sorry, not a Belieber.
7. Like A G6--Far East Movement
I was teasing someone on Facebook about this song because he hated it so much. You get cheesy, cliched lyrics ("hell yeah"/"they be acting like they druhuhuhnk") set to an earworm beat. What is a G6 you may ask? I believe it's supposed to refer to the Gulfstream private jet, but the series only goes up to the Gulfstream V. There doesn't seem to be a Gulfstream VI. Where did they get "G6" from? According to the group, it was because a G6 would be more fly than a G IV.
The bard speaks:
"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6"
Is it me or is this about drinking and driving??
6. First Kiss--3OH!3 featuring Ke$ha
White trash stars 3OH!3 and Ke$ha, whose parents must have spent too much time on a keyboard, teamed up twice to terrorize music fans. Once for Ke$ha's "Blah Blah Blah" and again for this ditty on 3OH!3's album.
The bard speaks:
"I said no more teachers
And no more books
I got a kiss under the bleachers
Hoping that nobody looks
Lips like liquorish
Tongue like candy
Excuse me miss but can I get you out your panties?"
Ewww.
5. Nothin' On You--B.O.B.
I think my issue with this song is that it's so hopelessly overplayed along with it being annoying.
The bard speaks:
"Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
look at your style I ain't really got nothin' on
and you wild when you ain't got nothing on
baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes"
Well, thank goodness for that. You wouldn't want a tax cheat!
4. Google Me--Kim Zolciak
Reality t.v. star Kim Zolciak ("Real Housewives Of Atlanta") covered someone else's song with the help of auto tune and STILL sounds awful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4psJik8mWGI&feature=related
3. Peacock--Katy Perry
This was supposedly going to be the third single released of off “Teenage Dream,” but allegedly it tested so poorly, “Firework” got released instead. That’s right, the highly danceable yet lyrically-dumb song (“Boom boom boom/Even brighter than the moon moon moon”) was still way better than “Peacock.” As you might have guessed, the song is a stupid double-entendre meant to make people giggle over the Christian Girl sneaking the c-word on the radio.
The bard speaks:
"Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath"
And
"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock"
Pea-cock, get it?? Yuk, yuk, she is such a rebel!
2. I'm Hot--Angelina Pivarnick
"Jersey Shore" star Angelina recorded a song to let the world know she's hot. This song sucks on so many levels, it's hard to know where to begin: her amateurish delivery coupled with her annoying accent, the cheesy raps, the auto tune, the terrible lyrics, the music that sounds like it came from a Casio.
The bard speaks:
"I'm hot, so hot, I'm like an ice cream cone with a cherry on top
And I got, a lot, No I won't stop 'til I pop, to the top,
I take a shot, it hits the spot, then dance a lot until I drop
I shop and shop, I just can't stop. I even hopped a cop, I popped his crop, ha!"
To think that Snooki is the talented one...
1. We Are The World 2010--Too Many To Name
The devastating earthquake that killed hundreds of thousands of people in Haiti inspired dozens of music stars (Josh Groban, Barbra Streisand, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Wyclef Jean, Jay Z, Usher, etc.) and two actors (Vince Vaughn and Jeff Bridges) to rush to a recording studio and record something, anything, to help those poor souls. The result was a painfully unlistenable cover of a song that was treacly and annoying to begin with, 1985’s “We Are The World.” I saw this premiere during the Winter Olympics and my reaction was, “WTF?!” It was SOOO BAAAD. I noticed nobody played it on the radio and it quickly disappeared. As they say in Haiti, “Mesi men pa byen pa pi mal (thanks but no thanks).”
Why was every other song by Bruno Mars? How come everything has to be covered by the cast of "Glee?" Is there anyone who doesn't use auto tune anymore? Since when did referencing cheesy '80s hits (Enrique Iglesias ripping off Lionel Ritchie, The Black Eyed Peas ripping off that Dirty Dancing song, Train mentioning Mister Mister) become trendy? How did "I'm going to" become "Imma?" I drove through Riverside County a couple of weeks ago and I saw a billboard for a children's health initiative that said, "Imma be healthy!" Yeah, and imma sounding like an ignoramus! You know it's a dry year when I haven't even used up my last iTunes gift card yet. And most of what I downloaded this year was old school.
The only thing that was hard about putting together this list is narrowing it down to just ten, though the #1 was a fairly easy choice.
10. Everything on "Bionic"--Christina Aguilera
Aguilera is one of the most baffling personalities in the music biz. Here’s someone with natural talent who doesn’t need a trashy image or to tart herself up to make up for a lack of pipes. Yet, that’s exactly what she does! And I’m not sure why, because the only guys who seem to really dig Xtina, as she calls herself, are not the sort who will think she’s “hot,” if you catch my drift. Not only does Aguilera auto tune the heck out of her voice on “Bionic”—why???—she puts out a whole album to prove to the world she is still the “dirrrty” girl from 2003. With fun ditties about her “WooHoo” and toe tappers like “Sex For Breakfast,” I can’t imagine why the album didn’t sell nearly as well as expected or why she had to cancel her tour.
The bard speaks:
"And when the sun rises, there's one thing on my mind
I want sex for breakfast, stay inside
And even though we made sweet love all night
I need sex for breakfast, feels so right"--Sex For Breakfast
I think I prefer Cheerios.
9. Who Owns My Heart--Miley Cyrus
Now that Miley is 18, she's rapidly going off the rails like most of the Disney Girls of the past 20 years. Not like we didn't see it coming. Her video for "Who Owns My Heart" features the not-quite legal Cyrus (she was 17 at the time) writhing around in her underwear.
The bard speaks:
"R-O-C-K Mafia!" and
"Who owns my heart
Is it love or is it art?"
Neither.
8. The Collected Works of Justin Bieber
I’m not mystified by the guy’s popularity; cute doe-eyed boy singers have had screaming girls in their wake for decades. All you have to have are a few songs that appeal to 11-year-old girls and Tiger Beat looks and you’re set. What mystifies me is everybody and their dog wanting to work with him: Ludacris, Kanye West, Raekwon, Drake, Sean Kingston...even sex tape star Kim Kardashian posed for magazine photos with him. I’m surprised he didn’t do a collaboration with Arcade Fire.
The thing is no matter how many hardcore f-bomb dropping bad boy rappers and hip hop acts you put into the mix, the music still sucks.
The bard speaks:
"My first love broke my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Baby, baby, baby ohhh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine mine"--"Baby" featuring Ludacris
Sorry, not a Belieber.
7. Like A G6--Far East Movement
I was teasing someone on Facebook about this song because he hated it so much. You get cheesy, cliched lyrics ("hell yeah"/"they be acting like they druhuhuhnk") set to an earworm beat. What is a G6 you may ask? I believe it's supposed to refer to the Gulfstream private jet, but the series only goes up to the Gulfstream V. There doesn't seem to be a Gulfstream VI. Where did they get "G6" from? According to the group, it was because a G6 would be more fly than a G IV.
The bard speaks:
"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6"
Is it me or is this about drinking and driving??
6. First Kiss--3OH!3 featuring Ke$ha
White trash stars 3OH!3 and Ke$ha, whose parents must have spent too much time on a keyboard, teamed up twice to terrorize music fans. Once for Ke$ha's "Blah Blah Blah" and again for this ditty on 3OH!3's album.
The bard speaks:
"I said no more teachers
And no more books
I got a kiss under the bleachers
Hoping that nobody looks
Lips like liquorish
Tongue like candy
Excuse me miss but can I get you out your panties?"
Ewww.
5. Nothin' On You--B.O.B.
I think my issue with this song is that it's so hopelessly overplayed along with it being annoying.
The bard speaks:
"Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
look at your style I ain't really got nothin' on
and you wild when you ain't got nothing on
baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes"
Well, thank goodness for that. You wouldn't want a tax cheat!
4. Google Me--Kim Zolciak
Reality t.v. star Kim Zolciak ("Real Housewives Of Atlanta") covered someone else's song with the help of auto tune and STILL sounds awful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4psJik8mWGI&feature=related
3. Peacock--Katy Perry
This was supposedly going to be the third single released of off “Teenage Dream,” but allegedly it tested so poorly, “Firework” got released instead. That’s right, the highly danceable yet lyrically-dumb song (“Boom boom boom/Even brighter than the moon moon moon”) was still way better than “Peacock.” As you might have guessed, the song is a stupid double-entendre meant to make people giggle over the Christian Girl sneaking the c-word on the radio.
The bard speaks:
"Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath"
And
"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock"
Pea-cock, get it?? Yuk, yuk, she is such a rebel!
2. I'm Hot--Angelina Pivarnick
"Jersey Shore" star Angelina recorded a song to let the world know she's hot. This song sucks on so many levels, it's hard to know where to begin: her amateurish delivery coupled with her annoying accent, the cheesy raps, the auto tune, the terrible lyrics, the music that sounds like it came from a Casio.
The bard speaks:
"I'm hot, so hot, I'm like an ice cream cone with a cherry on top
And I got, a lot, No I won't stop 'til I pop, to the top,
I take a shot, it hits the spot, then dance a lot until I drop
I shop and shop, I just can't stop. I even hopped a cop, I popped his crop, ha!"
To think that Snooki is the talented one...
1. We Are The World 2010--Too Many To Name
The devastating earthquake that killed hundreds of thousands of people in Haiti inspired dozens of music stars (Josh Groban, Barbra Streisand, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Wyclef Jean, Jay Z, Usher, etc.) and two actors (Vince Vaughn and Jeff Bridges) to rush to a recording studio and record something, anything, to help those poor souls. The result was a painfully unlistenable cover of a song that was treacly and annoying to begin with, 1985’s “We Are The World.” I saw this premiere during the Winter Olympics and my reaction was, “WTF?!” It was SOOO BAAAD. I noticed nobody played it on the radio and it quickly disappeared. As they say in Haiti, “Mesi men pa byen pa pi mal (thanks but no thanks).”
