lazypadawan's Holocron

As noted on Facebook and Twitter, I did not watch the Oscars. So it was this morning when I got wind of something Chris Rock had said during the show about voice actors. In summary, Rock was presenting for one of the animation awards and he went on a riff about how easy it was to voice an animated film, where you just sound like yourself and they throw millions of dollars at you.

This annoyed many professional voice actors. As Clone Wars's James Arnold Taylor posted on his Facebook:

Okay to sum up my thoughts on the Chris Rock joke at the Oscars. The sad truth is what he said is true... for him that is how VO works. They hire celebrities to sound like themselves and they do pay them about 99.9% more than us. It's my hope that through things like my stage show I can show people what real VO work looks like for the many amazing folks that do it daily. It is an art and it should be recognized as that... not as a punch line for the super rich "artist elite" at their awards show that still required talents like Tom Kane and Melissa Disney to announce all of them.

It's true. Known stars are hired for the big feature animated films and they are hired to sound just like themselves so that you know you're hearing Chris Rock or whomever. They're not hired as much for their vocal skills as they are for pure marquee value. Hollywood thinks you're more likely to see "The Lorax" if it starred Danny DeVito, Taylor Swift, and Zac Efron than if it starred voice talents you wouldn't know by name unless you read the credits at the end of a Cartoon Network show.

Now there are exceptions. For example, Johnny Depp actually played a character in "Rango" instead of just sounding like himself or worse yet, riffing off a character we're already familiar with. But for the most part the personality hired is the personality as an animated turtle, giant robot, or Ninja warrior. So while that person must have some acting ability to be able to read the lines right, it's not the same thing that people like Taylor or Kane have to do just to do an episode of Clone Wars. The latter are hired to sound like anyone BUT themselves. To be able to create a unique voice (or to sound like an established character) and act takes a lot of skill. The best in the field make it seem effortless but that's not without years of professional experience.

Because most top-tier celebrities have little to no contact with professional voice actors, it's a part of the business that's easy for them to overlook. After all, voice actors don't get acknowledged outside of the Annies. Even the animated Emmy awards go to guest stars who of course sound just like themselves. And for the celebrities who have done voice over work, it might seem like Casual Friday since it's not 15-hour days of hair, makeup, shooting, and re-shooting for five weeks.

It's pretty typical for people who live in their Hollyweird bubble. Not only are they unable to relate to anyone outside of their world, they can't even relate to other professionals toiling away in the same industry.

It's a little vulgar, but on the other hand, it's pretty much true:

http://www.break.com/break-originals/other-funny-stuff/katy-perry-is-a-ccktease-music-video

Now that young star Shia LaBeouf is in Cannes promoting Wall Street II: Money Never Sleeps, he's burning bridges like a pyromaniac on speed. Let's see if he comes back for Indy V after telling the press this:

The last time Shia LaBeouf came to Cannes, in 2008, it was to promote "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," the revival of the swashbuckling adventure franchise that went on to earn a whopping $787 million around the world. LaBeouf is back on the Croisette this weekend to flog "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps," another revival of a classic from several decades ago. But he's not willing to forget about what he says were rampant problems with Indy 4 -- and he doesn't expect fans to, either.

"I feel like I dropped the ball on the legacy that people loved and cherished," LaBeouf said, explaining that this upped the ante for him before he began shooting the "Wall Street" sequel. "If I was going to do it twice, my career was over. So this was fight-or-flight for me."

Meeting with reporters Saturday on a terrace at the Hotel du Cap, he had some strong, confessional words about his acting in the film, which he said he felt didn't convince anyone that he was the action hero the movie claimed him to be. "You get to monkey-swinging and things like that and you can blame it on the writer and you can blame it on Steven [Spielberg, who directed]. But the actor's job is to make it come alive and make it work, and I couldn't do it. So that's my fault. Simple."

LaBeouf said that he could have kept quiet, especially given the movie's blockbuster status, but didn't think the film had fooled anyone. "I think the audience is pretty intelligent. I think they know when you've made ... . And I think if you don't acknowledge it, then why do they trust you the next time you're promoting a movie." LaBeouf went on to say he wasn't the only star on the film who felt that way. "We [Harrison Ford and LaBeouf] had major discussions. He wasn't happy with it either. Look, the movie could have been updated. There was a reason it wasn't universally accepted."

LaBeouf added, "We need to be able to satiate the appetite," he said. "I think we just misinterpreted what we were trying to satiate."

Asked whether this was difficult to say, given his deep relationship with Spielberg, LaBeouf continued with the directness.

"I'll probably get a call. But he needs to hear this. I love him. I love Steven. I have a relationship with Steven that supersedes our business work. And believe me, I talk to him often enough to know that I'm not out of line. And I would never disrespect the man. I think he's a genius, and he's given me my whole life. He's done so much great work that there's no need for him to feel vulnerable about one film. But when you drop the ball you drop the ball."

Of course the internetz are praising his candor and refreshing honesty in biting a big hand that fed him. If he really felt that way, he should have said so years ago, not two years after the film comes out. There's nothing that I hate more than actors (especially actors) and people associated with a film going on about how pleased they're with it and it's so awesome, blah blah blah and turn around and call it crap when it doesn't do well. Except in this case, Indy IV did do well but wussy lil' Shia couldn't take all of the mean things they were saying in the entertainment media and by the internet Neanderthals. So he decides to pull a Megan Fox with Steven Spielberg and in a classier move, drags in Harrison Ford. Ford was on Jay Leno prior to the film's release and told Leno he absolutely loved the film. So is LaBeouf calling Ford a liar? I imagine if this Wall Street flick doesn't fly, he'll just throw the blame on Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas.

What a drunk driving douchebag.

Since there's no "Ghost Whisperer," I was stuck watching the Olympics before Clone Wars starts. They showed the remake of "We Are The World," recorded after the Grammys to raise money for the Haitian earthquake.

Ah, when good intentions go horribly wrong.

It's CRAP. I never liked the original song, despite its noble aspirations. Like its predecessor, "Do They Know It's Christmas," it suffered from cheesy lyrics and shameless mugging for the cameras. I remember some alt musician mocking the song: "We are the world/we are rich bastards/we drive fancy cars/and we don't pay taxes." The fights that occurred at the studio in 1985 are legendary: Bob Geldof complaining about the fancy spread (until he found out it was donated), Waylon Jennings leaving after Stevie Wonder proposed singing the song in Swahili (they don't speak Swahili in Ethiopia).

I don't know what happened with this revamp, but it makes the '85 original sound like the greatest song ever. Michael Jackson's old vocals. Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, and Josh Groban over here, a bunch of rappers over there. Wyclef Jean wailing away. Lil' Wayne throwing in his .02 before going off to jail. Isn't that Jordin Sparks? Isn't that Miley Cyrus? Look, there's Pink. What's Jeff Bridges doing there? Wrong awards show, dude, unless he's filling the Dan Ackroyd role. Sadly, I don't really recognize anyone else.

At least the original blended the different styles of performers. This just sounded like a mess.

Kanye West crowned himself King of the Douchebags with his "performance" on the VMAs last night (which I didn't watch). He's entitled to think Beyoncé should have won and maybe he was right. Beats me. But to run up there and grab the mike from Taylor Swift like that to mouth off was the equivalent of dumping pig's blood on Carrie at the prom. He'd better be glad that Miss Swift doesn't have deadly telekinetic powers. But with West, it's always been about me, me, me. Beyoncé did the classy thing by trying to make it up to Swift later on, while professional jerk Russell Brand had the nerve to defend West. Can you see why I really have no use for these people?

Serena Williams's behavior at the U.S. Open was appalling. Not even John McEnroe pulled that kind of nonsense in his day.

Meanwhile, Michael Bay and Megan Fox are teaming up for Transformers 3: Battle Of The Egos. It all got started when the not-so-bright Fox gnawed off the feeding hand by saying Bay is kind of like Adolf Hitler on the set of his films. Then three crew members wrote anonymously on Bay's OWN website a long piece defending the director and portraying Fox as a dumb, untalented, harridan (but that's not the word they used). Fire up the Jiffy Pop and sit back for some entertaining reading on Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood. Not only is the letter from the crew members entertaining, so are the replies. People are accusing Bay of writing the letter himself while other comments accuse Fox's defenders of being part of her PR posse. Other comments dish on the horrors of working with the both them:

http://www.deadline.com/hollywood/transformers-crew-talk-back-to-megan-fox/

Fox shouldn't say anything not written for her in advance and Bay shouldn't have plastered the missive on his website, as funny as it is. Can you imagine something like that getting posted on starwars.com?

Finally, we return to the realm of SW with another what-were-they-thinking moment. I won't link to it, but there's a video at CollegeHumor.com featuring stormtroopers looking back at the destruction of the Death Star, i.e. where they were and their "theories" on what happened. My problem? It's called "Stormtrooper 9/11" and it's posted right around the eighth anniversary of that date's atrocities. Worse yet, the starwars.com blog cheerfully linked to it and I saw a lot of Twits on Twitter laughing about it.

As some level-headed soul posted on the starwars.com blog, the 3000 people who died were real. I recall a skit on Saturday Night Live that aired in the '80s about Buckwheat's assassination. It was funny not because it made a joke of murder but because all of the satire was about media coverage of tragic events. A few years ago, I posted a list of "Death Star conspiracy theories" because it didn't make fun of 3000 people getting killed, it made fun of conspiracy theorists.

But this just left a really bad taste in my mouth and really, shouldn't the people at starwars.com know better?

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you probably know that Paula Abdul has quit American Idol due to the typical "pay me more" dispute. I'm not really sure what to think. I think AI will go on just fine--Simon's the guy they really don't want to lose--but I think that it benefits the competition to have an actual performer on the panel. Maybe they'll have a rotating guest list of performers to serve as judges, who knows?

As for Paula, I think her future is uncertain. There's a rumor they want her on "So You Think You Can Dance?" but the facts are Paula's career as a pop singer ended a long time ago and it was AI that brought her back to the limelight. Her exploits on AI and her ill-advised reality show reveal there's a few loose screws in there. And t.v. has a long history of stars who leave in a huff over money, thinking they can do just swell on their own, only to find that they can't.

Meanwhile, another batch of nekkid piccies featuring High School Musical starlet Vanessa Hudgens have appeared on the internet. I felt bad for the ESPN gal because of either she was the victim of an evil pervert or the victim of an evil smear campaign. But I just think this chick's behavior is plain skeevy, as you kids like to say. It's a campaign on her part to shed her image as a teen idol and draw attention to a new flick of hers that's coming out soon. She's not a victim of anything except desperation.

I'm sure you are all dying to see what I think about various celebrity scandals and faux pases that have occurred over the past few days. Or maybe not. Either way, here's my .02 worth.

First, Bruce Springsteen chewing off the Wal-Mart hand that fed him. In recent years, Wal-Mart has successfully launched albums by established but somewhat over-the-hill acts that haven't had hits in a while, most notably for The Eagles and AC/DC. Springsteen, whose last album was launched at Starbucks, hadn't had a big hit since "The Rising" 7 years ago and certainly nothing on the scale of "Born In The U.S.A." in 20 or so years. He has however managed to maintain a following. So Wal-Mart got the exclusive rights to sell his latest album "Working On A Dream" first. But the kind of crowd that considers Wally World one of its bete noirs also makes up the bulk of music critics, music journos/commentators, and possibly Grammy voters (I think this album will qualify next year). They didn't like that the Boss deigned to associate himself with something so declassé. So what does he do? Does he say, "I'm just trying to reach where my fans shop?" Or "Wal-Mart has a great track record launching albums?" How about, "Wal-Mart doesn't treat its employees any worse than the recording industry has treated artists and consumers for decades?" Nope, Springsteen caves, treating his association with Wal-Mart like a drunken one-night stand that gave him crabs. Given that Springsteen has been pretty comfortable since I was playing with Barbies and a bazillionaire before I got my driver's license (that's a long time ago), I'm pretty sure he has never set foot inside a Wal-Mart. But he can't pretend he doesn't know what the store is or that some people consider it controversial. He only considered the Wal-Mart deal a mistake when the people he was trying to impress--not you the consumer by the way--turned their noses up at him. That doesn't make him principled, it makes him a jerk.

Next, Michael Phelps caught in a pic with a bong. He deserves a beating not just for smoking dope (good term), but also for being a moron. I know he's a young man and young men routinely do stupid things. But he's not Joe Frat Boy either. Not only does he have millions of dollars' worth of endorsements, he is a role model to young people. What separates him from a rock star, an actor, or a famous-for-no-reason celebrity is that he earned where he is from remarkable achievement as an athlete. He is supposed to exemplify what happens when you combine hard work and discipline combined with talent. He represented not just himself, but his country in the Olympics. Apparently nobody sat down and explained this to him (not even after his DUI in 2004). As they said about 15,000 times in the movie Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility.

Which is why in my old-fashioned way of thinking, Phelps should lose his endorsements. He needs to understand and we need to understand that when we behave badly, there are consequences. He's not owed our good will. He has to earn it. This amoral attitude of "whatever" in the name of looking progressive or out of greed doesn't do these people or society any favors.

The next person on my smackdown list is actor Christian Bale. Bale may be talented but his tirade against a hapless director of photography on the set of the new "Terminator" flick also shows he's a bigger diva than Miss Piggy, Maria Callas, and Diana Ross all rolled together. The DP might have made a mistake but it doesn't justify at all Bale's infantile tantrum, which supposedly took place the same day his sister and mother called the cops on him last summer. What's worse is the wimpy way director McG (what kind of name is that?) handled his star's freakout. Bale walked all over the girlyman director. Somehow I can't see Bale pulling this kind of crap on a powerful director like Steven Spielberg or Clint Eastwood.

Just for once, how about the frustrated crew of a movie reading the riot act to a pampered star who blows a scene for the 60th time? Or a star who shows up to work hours late and doesn't even apologize? Wouldn't that be something to see? This just proves that these Hollywood stars who claim they are for the little people or the regular guy are full of it. This is how they treat the "regular guy" when nobody's looking. Like Ashton Kutcher going postal over a neighbor's construction job at 7 a.m. just days after he posts a stupid celebrity-filled video where stars pledge to be nice to their neighbors.

But there is one celeb I'm going to defend today and that is Jessica Simpson. Everybody's saying she's fat all because of an unflattering outfit she wore to a show recently. First of all, high waisted pants aren't for very petite women like Simpson. She's short waisted as it is and the higher waistband combined with a thick belt just made it look worse. All you could see was some flesh puckering over the belt and her large-ish boobs. It was a bad outfit, but treating her as though she's morbidly obese is ridiculous. Can you wonder why women have all kinds of neuroses about their bodies when apparently being more curvaceous than a twig is worse than being a drug addict, a child molester, or a murderer in the celebrity press?

Update: Apparently Bale apologized on L.A.'s KROQ 2/6/09.

Just for laughs and giggles, here's how Britney Spears sounded over the microphone during a live performance in Las Vegas from a couple of years ago. Ah, the magic of a sound board and a backing tape! Because otherwise, she'd never make it out of an American Idol audition:



And here's Enrique Iglesias, who sounds indistinguishable from a cat dying in agony:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flvC3Uokdtw

Move over, Britney, Lindsay, and Paris. Here comes Vanessa.

So I see on FoxNews.com that yet MORE photos of a scantily-clad (not to mention underage) Vanessa Hudgens have been "leaked." What, does this girl send out naked pictures of herself instead of Christmas cards? And what about her parents? Didn't they teach their kid anything besides making it big in Hollywood so they can mooch off of her for the rest of their lives?

Look, I can feel a smidgen of sympathy for a naïve girl who's fooled by a boyfriend who "really loves her" and wants to memorialize that love by having her pose like an amateur centerfold so he can post the pix on the internet the second the affair is over. But I have no sympathy for Hudgens. In fact, I'm not even sure if this is all unplanned. Hudgens probably doesn't want to be tagged a child star or a Disney girl for long, so she has all of these raunchy pictures of herself taken and conveniently leaked by other sources who come across as backstabbing friends. That way she can play the sympathy angle while she's showing Hollywood she can be a sexpot. Who knows? She might even be trying to get out of doing any more "High School Musical" shows out of fear it will be an albatross on her career over the long-term.

That's all pathetic enough. But what really burned my biscuits in the FoxNews.com story is a quote attributed to a so-called source close to Hudgens. This shadowy individual said something along the lines of, "Who hasn't done something like this when they were teenagers?" I was a teen back in the '80s, so we didn't have MySpace or Facebook, but we did have photography. I never did anything like that and neither did anyone else I knew. Today there are *millions* of young people who haven't either, even with beauty queens, drunken co-eds, and other exhibitionists grabbing headlines by making fools of themselves for the public eye. Why do we want to spin this sort of stupidity into normal it's-just-growing-pains behavior? Especially since in the real world, "naughty pictures" could damage someone's credibility and reputation forever. It's an insult to every teen and young adult who understands the values of self-respect and personal dignity to blow off Hudgens's attention-whoring as ordinary teenage behavior.