OT: Worst (Pop) Songs Of 2011
Dec. 16th, 2011 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lazypadawanListing the 10 worst pop songs of the year is like picking the 10 ugliest cockroaches: too many to choose from. I thought 2010 was a bad year but then came 2011 in its autotuned bad Euro-pop trash glory. You don’t leave me with a lot of confidence, ‘10s.
For every "Pumped Up Kicks" or "Rolling In The Deep" there was the electronica jig at the of The Black Eyed Peas' "Just Can't Get Enough" (not to be confused with the old Depeche Mode song), Pitbull's growls, Bruno Mars, and Mr. Saxobeat. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" album had a few good tunes but the title track sounds like a focus group trying to make the ideal gay anthem and well, you'll see what I think of the bloody awful "Judas." Britney Spears's stuff didn't even make my cut. That's how poor it is out there.
So it was tough to narrow it down to the 10 worst, though with that wonderful invention known as the internet, I was able to find mind-blowingly bad stuff that makes One Republic's "Good Life" sound like it's a Lennon/McCartney composition.
10. “Moves Like Jagger”—Maroon 5
A wussy band with a falsetto lead singer aiming for Jagger’s swagger…hahahahahaha. Thanks to these guys for the most overused phrase this year.
9. "Sexy And I Know It"--LMFAO
I didn't mind "Party Rock Anthem." It's kind of a fun dance tune, destined to be blared over stadium loudspeakers for years to come. But this is the 21st century's answer to Right Said Fred's cheesy and annoying "I'm Too Sexy." Both songs are supposed to be tongue-in-cheek but "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" was meant to be a comedy and was funny for all of the wrong reasons.
8. “E.T.”—Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West
Perry’s thin, strained soprano is hard to listen to, but it’s the remix with West’s cringe-inducing raps ("Imma disrobe you/Then Imma probe you") that make me reach for the "change" button on my car radio.
7. “Judas”—Lady Gaga
Not did they have the poor taste to release this song shortly before Easter, they had the poor taste to record it at all. It rips off "Bad Romance" and Lady Gaga apparently thinks it's deep somehow to sing a love song about the Bible's worst traitor with these thought-provoking lyrics: "In the most Biblical sense/I am beyond repentance/Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind." Vomit definitely comes to my mind. No wonder they quickly went to "Edge of Glory" next as a single.
6. “Dancing In the Dark”—Dev
Apparently today's kids find tuneless speaking/singing that would get you booted out of an American Idol audition "seductive" as long as there's a saxophone in the background and the lyrics sound like they came from a phone sex line script. Brought to you by the gal who did the "fly like a G6" vocals with Far East Movement.
5. "Tonight, Tonight"--Hot Chelle Rae
La, la, la...la, la, la...frat boy pop pseudo-punk crud.
4. “Rule The World (Girls)”—Beyoncé
How about a girl-power anthem video featuring dancers in bikinis and lingerie doing pelvic thrusts? In fact the whole video is very strange. But the song itself is one long irritating chant over an irritating march beat. It grates on your ear within seconds. What was Beyoncé thinking? Now’s as good time as any for maternity leave I suppose.
3. "Jam (Turn It Up)"--Kim Kardashian
She's starred in reality t.v. shows and a sex tape, she's been a Playboy centerfold, she has endorsement deals out her famous wazoo, she's been a succesful businesswoman, she's been a wife and a divorcee all within 72 days. What's there left for Kim Kardashian to accomplish? Well, Kimmy decided to try her hand at pop stardom with "Jam (Turn It Up)," a disposable dance song with absolutely no flavor to it. It sounds like she went to the fair and recorded the song and they layered it with autotune so you can't tell how bad her voice is. She makes Dev sound like Donna Summer.
2. "Facebook Official"--Heart2Heart
I found this one online. Lance Bass of NSYNC fame decided to mentor this crew that looks like an Asian boy band, only without Asians. Seriously, go look them up on Facebook or YouTube. They look like a K-pop or J-pop act, but with white guys. They have nicknames like "Pretty Boi Pete" or pseudonyms like "Brayden." The tune itself is a love song with cheesy Facebook puns: "Will you friend me this request/agree to my terms of service/the message has been sent/and all I want to do is put a heart on your page/a heart on your page/Lets make it official/baby you and me, you and me/Facebook official." Oh, Mark Zuckerberg, what have you wrought?!
1. “Friday”—Rebecca Black
I hate to pick on a middle school kid, but it is the worst song of 2011 and a strong contender for worst of the decade. Monotone, nasal singing layered with autotune, dopey lyrics that make Debbie Gibson look like a prodigy, and internet superstardom…go figure. Even Katy Perry covered the tune and put Miss Black in her “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F)” video. So what happens? Dozens of other starry-eyed but talentless girls, some as young as nine, quickly posted their own videos on YouTube. Black might have gotten a lot of flack, but she also got what everyone in her generation craves...attention. She also made bank off of her YouTube hits. It pays to stink!
Listen music business….Florence + The Machine cannot do it all by themselves. Poor Adele busted a vessel in her throat working twice as hard to make up for the lack of quality acts. Amy Winehouse is dead. You need to get a move on and put out better stuff. Soon you’ll be paying kids to download your product illegally instead of suing them. Now, get off my lawn!
For every "Pumped Up Kicks" or "Rolling In The Deep" there was the electronica jig at the of The Black Eyed Peas' "Just Can't Get Enough" (not to be confused with the old Depeche Mode song), Pitbull's growls, Bruno Mars, and Mr. Saxobeat. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" album had a few good tunes but the title track sounds like a focus group trying to make the ideal gay anthem and well, you'll see what I think of the bloody awful "Judas." Britney Spears's stuff didn't even make my cut. That's how poor it is out there.
So it was tough to narrow it down to the 10 worst, though with that wonderful invention known as the internet, I was able to find mind-blowingly bad stuff that makes One Republic's "Good Life" sound like it's a Lennon/McCartney composition.
10. “Moves Like Jagger”—Maroon 5
A wussy band with a falsetto lead singer aiming for Jagger’s swagger…hahahahahaha. Thanks to these guys for the most overused phrase this year.
9. "Sexy And I Know It"--LMFAO
I didn't mind "Party Rock Anthem." It's kind of a fun dance tune, destined to be blared over stadium loudspeakers for years to come. But this is the 21st century's answer to Right Said Fred's cheesy and annoying "I'm Too Sexy." Both songs are supposed to be tongue-in-cheek but "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" was meant to be a comedy and was funny for all of the wrong reasons.
8. “E.T.”—Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West
Perry’s thin, strained soprano is hard to listen to, but it’s the remix with West’s cringe-inducing raps ("Imma disrobe you/Then Imma probe you") that make me reach for the "change" button on my car radio.
7. “Judas”—Lady Gaga
Not did they have the poor taste to release this song shortly before Easter, they had the poor taste to record it at all. It rips off "Bad Romance" and Lady Gaga apparently thinks it's deep somehow to sing a love song about the Bible's worst traitor with these thought-provoking lyrics: "In the most Biblical sense/I am beyond repentance/Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind." Vomit definitely comes to my mind. No wonder they quickly went to "Edge of Glory" next as a single.
6. “Dancing In the Dark”—Dev
Apparently today's kids find tuneless speaking/singing that would get you booted out of an American Idol audition "seductive" as long as there's a saxophone in the background and the lyrics sound like they came from a phone sex line script. Brought to you by the gal who did the "fly like a G6" vocals with Far East Movement.
5. "Tonight, Tonight"--Hot Chelle Rae
La, la, la...la, la, la...frat boy pop pseudo-punk crud.
4. “Rule The World (Girls)”—Beyoncé
How about a girl-power anthem video featuring dancers in bikinis and lingerie doing pelvic thrusts? In fact the whole video is very strange. But the song itself is one long irritating chant over an irritating march beat. It grates on your ear within seconds. What was Beyoncé thinking? Now’s as good time as any for maternity leave I suppose.
3. "Jam (Turn It Up)"--Kim Kardashian
She's starred in reality t.v. shows and a sex tape, she's been a Playboy centerfold, she has endorsement deals out her famous wazoo, she's been a succesful businesswoman, she's been a wife and a divorcee all within 72 days. What's there left for Kim Kardashian to accomplish? Well, Kimmy decided to try her hand at pop stardom with "Jam (Turn It Up)," a disposable dance song with absolutely no flavor to it. It sounds like she went to the fair and recorded the song and they layered it with autotune so you can't tell how bad her voice is. She makes Dev sound like Donna Summer.
2. "Facebook Official"--Heart2Heart
I found this one online. Lance Bass of NSYNC fame decided to mentor this crew that looks like an Asian boy band, only without Asians. Seriously, go look them up on Facebook or YouTube. They look like a K-pop or J-pop act, but with white guys. They have nicknames like "Pretty Boi Pete" or pseudonyms like "Brayden." The tune itself is a love song with cheesy Facebook puns: "Will you friend me this request/agree to my terms of service/the message has been sent/and all I want to do is put a heart on your page/a heart on your page/Lets make it official/baby you and me, you and me/Facebook official." Oh, Mark Zuckerberg, what have you wrought?!
1. “Friday”—Rebecca Black
I hate to pick on a middle school kid, but it is the worst song of 2011 and a strong contender for worst of the decade. Monotone, nasal singing layered with autotune, dopey lyrics that make Debbie Gibson look like a prodigy, and internet superstardom…go figure. Even Katy Perry covered the tune and put Miss Black in her “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F)” video. So what happens? Dozens of other starry-eyed but talentless girls, some as young as nine, quickly posted their own videos on YouTube. Black might have gotten a lot of flack, but she also got what everyone in her generation craves...attention. She also made bank off of her YouTube hits. It pays to stink!
Listen music business….Florence + The Machine cannot do it all by themselves. Poor Adele busted a vessel in her throat working twice as hard to make up for the lack of quality acts. Amy Winehouse is dead. You need to get a move on and put out better stuff. Soon you’ll be paying kids to download your product illegally instead of suing them. Now, get off my lawn!
