Fans, Narcissism, and the Internet

[lazypadawan]

The other day, while on a fan fiction forum, I saw an uploaded video from YouTube. The video featured a young fangirl's rant that has since become infamous on the internets, as I discovered by running searches on Google and Dogpile. In fact, the fangirl is herself infamous and the initial rant was one of many videos on her own YouTube channel. I'm not going to add to this individual's problems by linking any of the videos or revealing her name or fandom. Many of you might know already who I'm talking about, so I'm just going to leave it there.

I have to admit, the first time I watched the first video, I laughed at some parts of it because it was the kind of fangirl rant I've seen many a time over the years and some of her delivery was humorous. (One part of it became kind of a catchphrase.) Then I watched a couple more of her videos and read the comments. Oh my. I saw that this wasn't just an overexhuberant fangirl, this was someone in real pain and she's receiving some of the ugliest abuse I've ever seen online. Stuff like, "I hope you die" and "too bad you survived that abortion." There were many nasty comments about her appearance and her weight. No normal, healthy human being *wants* this for herself. Why, you may ask, would this young lady want to put it all out there like that for people to be cruel in return?

The problem with this person isn't so much her obsession or over-devotion to her fandom, it's her narcissism and the narcissistic responses of the people posting nasty comments to her. Recently, I read "The Mirror Effect" by Dr. Drew Pinsky, he of "Loveline" and "Celeb Rehab/"Sober House" fame. It was an interesting, but easy to understand, book about celebrity narcissism and how the unfamous, especially young people, are picking up on the same behavior. The need for attention can be so great, especially among those who have suffered trauma in their lives, they'll crave even negative attention. This is why starlets will let paparazzi photograph them without undies or why reality show contestants don't mind if they're crafted as "villains" or jerks on t.v.. According to this book, narcissism doesn't mean you love yourself too much. Excessive narcissism means you actually don't. And it doesn't take a therapist to see this young lady on YouTube fits right into that category. I think she gets a rise out of the cruelty because to a lonely girl, negative attention is still attention. She's made herself a martyr on the one hand to her fandom, the Via Dolorosa to BNF status I suppose, and on the other hand, she's a star on the internet. I noticed she's bragged about her ranking as "most talked about" or "most viewed" on her channel page. Look, I'm even writing about this chick!

It's easy to just blow her off as a pathetic soul who's manipulating her "audience" and her fandom. But she is someone who truly needs help. For one thing, she doesn’t understand or doesn't care about the potential ramifications of what she's doing. There's a reason why I'm guarded about my privacy. I have things in life that matter and I don't want any fan drama to wash off on my job or my family members or non-fannish friends. What if some jokers decide to wander into this fangirl's job and start mocking her? Or they crank call where she works? What if they decide to vandalize her home? What if some crazy person tries to physically harm her? There's enough hate whipped up out there for some other unhinged person to satisfy his narcissistic urge to be a "hero" and take out someone who annoys so many people. Moreover, those oddball videos could come back to haunt her in other ways. Wouldn't it be a nightmare if you go in for a job interview and your potential boss has seen your ranty videos? Or you start dating somebody and then he sees you on YouTube shrieking away or dropping frequent f-bombs about those who don't share your fannish views? Does this girl's mom or dad know what she's been up to? She's also not helping her fellow fans. I'm sure there are many who resent her antics because they reflect poorly on all of those in the fandom. All of this is ten times worse should she one day decide to bid farewell to her fandom and she's got all of this on record. Don't tell me you can always take down the videos. Once it's been put out there, it's there *forever.*

I'm also worried about what will happen to her the day the fandom or someone within the fandom disappoints her. Having been a SW fan for 32 years, there are a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Sometimes I handle the downs pretty well, sometimes it's difficult. Somebody who has thrown herself in front of the speeding train in the name of the fandom is going to feel deeply and personally betrayed, and horribly crushed.

Saddest of all, she's going to find out--if she hasn't already--that she feels much worse about herself now than she ever did. I'm sorry, you can't look at all of these awful comments and not internalize them, especially if you have little self-regard in the first place. Her videos have a defensive tone and the more she says, "I don't care," the less likely I am to believe her. She's alluded to having depression, a big red flag if there ever was one.

Pinsky's book also discusses the narcissism of those who follow celebrity foibles. Now you know and I know that *everybody* is guilty of this to some degree. Come on, you can admit that you peek at the scandal sheets while in the checkout aisle or that you read blogs like Defamer, ohnotheydidnt, Gawker, or Perez Hilton. Okay, maybe you shouldn't admit to reading Perez Hilton. Anyway, Pinsky writes about the public's demand for "sacrifice" from the celebrity who has gone off the rails or let the public down in some way. When Britney Spears was having her post-divorce freakout, many in the press were predicting that she was going to die soon. There seems to be a need for an apotheosis and that's usually something along the lines of death, jail, or rehab. After that comes "redemption" though a comeback (see Britney) or a post-mortem "gee, what a tragedy" sentimentality (see Anna Nicole Smith).

People who are attacking the fangirl on YouTube and elsewhere, especially in very cruel ways, are doing so in order to feel better about themselves ("at least I'm not a dweeb like her") and to attack a fandom they don't like, since she has appointed herself as the martyr for her fandom. Because of the internet's anonymity, people can put their deepest prejudices and bigotries out on full display with no consequences. They justify their cruelty by saying, "She puts herself on the internet, so she's fair game. If she doesn't want to be attacked, she should stop making videos."

Ah, but nobody has to watch her videos either.

Anyone who goes out of his or her way to dump on someone on the internet, especially someone who is clearly in pain, is cruel AND a coward. It's no wonder when I saw an entry about this fangirl on Encyclopedia Dramatica, it was not only vulgar and obscene, it also had anti-Semitic comments.

So what we have is a sad young woman trying to draw attention to herself and an audience that gravitates toward opportunities to be mean. Swell.

Comments

[skye-princess.livejournal.com]

Wherever this fangirl is, I hope that she is able to either read this particular entry or something similar and see that 1) there are people out on the internet who can be sympathetic and 2) her antics are doing more harm than good, both for herself and the people who comment and talk about her (i.e. the negative abusers). Very well-thought out and beautifully worded piece here.

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[ayajedi.livejournal.com]

Interesting. You raise many good points. I have not seen this video nor know who this person is but more and more I find there are many people out there who seem to be just like her

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Fandom Wank and similar sites wouldn't exist without them and now people are taking the show to YouTube.

[pronker]

Fourth paragraph down, last sentence: yes, it's out there forever and some people who try to write professionally find that all their fannish stuff they don't control anymore, because of internet 'sharing.' All this can have repercussions in financial ways, but this person sounds like she should go play outside, get some fresh air, etc. unless she cannot because of physical reasons. I hope that her parents and/or friends say this to her and lead the way, like go ice skating or something with her. I don't know this person, but I've found that many extreme fans that sound scary have disabilities and thus the internet/fandom thing is a godsend for their minds; I guess they are like any person, able-bodied or not, who can't turn off what they are successful at. Whoa, she sure sounds successful.

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

In one of her videos, she talks about a friend who says she's obsessing too much. The fangirl was upset with this friend and was going to break off the friendship. All of the commenters thought it was because she couldn't tolerate a friend who didn't like what she liked, but I think it was because the fangirl felt like she was being judged.

As you've said, once you discover you're successful at something, you can't stop.