lazypadawan: (Default)
Random House is letting the great unwashed read (up to?) five minutes of their fan fics at Comic Con for possible later use in a podcast, including Star Wars fan fiction!! *Hits a gong.*

Should I do this? For those of you familiar with the lazypadawan library, which story should I pick?
lazypadawan: (Default)
You can check out a couple of my new stories at

"One Half Of A Beating Heart"

And the much more light-hearted "Couples' Therapy"
lazypadawan: (Default)
In all of this time, I never mentioned how I got into fan fic.

The first time I had ever heard of media fanzines (I’d certainly seen or heard of alternative culture or music-themed zines) was when I was in college in the late ‘80s-early ‘90s. I’d picked up a book about Star Trek and Star Wars collectibles. To think you could fit both into one volume! There was a section that mentioned fan-created publications and even considered sending letters to a couple of them, then thinking better of it because who knew if they were still in business.

Fast forward to the spring of 1991. I was leafing through an issue of Starlog and in its fan clubs/pen pals/fan publication column, there was mention of a Star Wars fanzine with original stories. That got my interest but it was $25, a princely sum for a college student at the time. I mean, I only spent like $15 to get Heir To The Empire a couple of months later. Ironically, it was “Heir” that kicked my Star Wars interest into overdrive. In December of 1991, I picked up another issue of Starlog and saw an ad for another Star Wars zine, a smaller and much cheaper publication. That time, I sent them a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE was part of the fannish lexicon once).

In early 1992 I got some flyers from the zine publishers and decided to purchase an issue; the zine was a quarterly. The first issue showed up a few weeks later. For years I seriously thought I was the last person on Earth who cared about Star Wars. As I always say, I thought I was single-handedly keeping West End Games in business by buying its sourcebooks. When “Heir” came out, I thought I was the only person buying it. These new zines were faint signs of life but I had no idea there were other fans as hardcore as I was until I read this zine. Wow, people doing their own artwork? Writing their own stories and stuff?! In the back I saw ads for more zines. Since I was working by that point, I was able to buy them and spent the next several months during the spring and summer of 1992 busily reading away. Fan stories were great filler in between what were once yearly shots of Timothy Zahn books (“Dark Force Rising” came out in May 1992) and bimonthly issues of “Dark Empire.”

It didn’t take long for me to say to myself, “Hey, I can write even better stuff than this.” So humble, right? I’d always enjoyed creative writing. I’d submitted stories to my elementary school’s “literary” magazine. I’d entered a red-ribbon winning story at the Dade County Youth Fair when I was in junior high. I scribbled out badly-drawn but widely-enjoyed comic strips in junior high and high school. I wrote stories for class. In college, I tried to get my material into the literary journals but I guess my stories lacked the requisite sex, curse words, drugs, alcohol, and suicide attempts. I took a creative writing class during my senior year. I wrote just for laughs and giggles. Oddly enough, very few of my stories were science fiction or traditional fantasy. I was interested in taking a science fiction creative writing class offered at my university but it required X amount of science classes taken first. Basically it was creative writing for chemistry, physics, and engineering majors. Go figure. I liked to write comedy, horror, and thrillers but in my own wacky way.

Write Star Wars? Better yet, write Star Wars AND get zines for free if they accept my submissions? Sure, sign me up!

The odd thing was I didn’t quite feel comfortable yet writing about the actual movie characters. I didn’t know if I could get them right. So, I took one of my very few comedic vaguely sf-stories, spray painted it with a little Star Wars varnish, and then submitted it to a zine. It was about a Rebel pilot who crash lands on a planet and is attacked by giant carrots or something, which got published in the next issue of that zine.

My very first attempt at writing any canon characters was also accepted to a zine but it really wasn’t very good. I think I’ve admitted to it before, but I went against my own instincts and what Star Wars is about and wrote what I thought people wanted to read. Sometime after that cringe-inducing story, I decided I was going to try and have my stories reflect Star Wars. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. There were hits and misses for a while after that. But boy was I a fan fic writin’ fool! With lots of time in between classes, work breaks, and riding the Metro to school/work, I could dig into my latest creations at leisure. It was an exciting time to be a fan and there was plenty of inspiration. Soon I was one of the most prolific fan fic writers around.

Then the internet came along...
lazypadawan: (Queen Amidala)
The Handmaiden And The Queen
Rated G
Summary: During the events of TPM, it's showtime for Sabé and Padmé

A handmaiden was an attendant. She styled hair. She helped put on beautiful but difficult-to-wear gowns. She ran errands and gave messages. She was a friend, a confidant who knew her Queen as intimately as a sister.

Sabé was also the Queen's decoy.

It was the hardest and most dangerous job for anyone in the Royal Court. Essentially her duty was to be captured or even take a blaster bolt for the monarch, a distraction meant to save the Queen's life. All of the handmaidens could fill that task but Sabé was chosen to be the primary decoy.

It was mostly thanks to the young handmaiden's more-than-passing resemblance to Queen Amidala, indication of perhaps a long ago genetic/ethnic connection. But Sabé's abilities as a mimic as well as her marksmanship and martial skills secured her the position. It was a duty she was called upon to perform for the first time when the invasion reached Theed.

"Your Highness," Captain Panaka had said, approaching the Queen with Sabé walking beside him. She had been staring out of one of the palace windows, sorrow apparent even on her alabaster face. "Quickly, we must switch you with the decoy. The invasion force will be here soon."

The plan was to not resist the invasion. The Naboo were virtually powerless to do so. Aside from law enforcement, palace guards, and a few pilots, there wasn't enough force to repel the attack. It was the price of being a peaceful world for so long. Their only hope was that the Jedi sent to negotiate were on their way. In the meantime, Sabé was to pose as the Queen while Amidala would pretend to be a handmaiden. As a handmaiden, she would better be able to assess the situation and perhaps even escape.

The two young girls went into the Queen's private chambers, the other handmaidens soon joining them. Panaka and the guards remained outside of the chambers' doors. What followed next was a flurry of activity as one group of handmaidens helped remove the Queen's distinctive makeup, heavy headdress, and gown while another team helped Sabé put on her disguise. It was an elaborate velvet and lace gown that looked heavier than Sabé's small frame though it was surprisingly comfortable to wear. Her hair was covered with black cloth and a jeweled piece along with some feathers completed her headdress.

Sabé sat in front of a vanity and began covering her face with alabaster foundation. Soon it was a ghostly white, turning her youthful face into a mask. She took the scarlet pigment used to make the dots beneath her eyes and the Scar of Remembrance. As she applied the pigment, she noticed in the mirror a handmaiden dressed in orange shimmering velvet standing behind her, looking on with amusement.

It took her a moment to realize the handmaiden was the Queen herself. Even this moment of distress, Amidala--or rather, Padmé--still could find the humor in a situation. But there was warmth in her smile too. "You'll do fine, Your Highness," she said.

When they were ready, Sabé took a deep breath and went into her role as Padmé assumed hers, getting into line with the other handmaidens, the guards accompanying them. It was time to confront the invaders.

The End
lazypadawan: (badfanfiction)
I too would like to make money off of barely-disguised Twilight fan fic. Never mind I have no experience writing for this fandom...I think your readers would eat this up:


Teenage Kristen is shipped off to Spoons, OR to live with her dad. There she meets the pale and sparkly Rob and the perpetually shirtless Taylor, who then engage in a battle of snark, testosterone, and pectorals to win Kristen’s love. Wealthy Rob lives with a weird tribe of characters posing as the Mullen family, including Ashley, the twin sister on the March 2012 cover of Lucky magazine. Taylor lives with a group of shirtless Eskimos. The mayor of Spoons, Stephanie, is hiding a deep, dark secret that threatens them all! Can Kristen and Rob find true love? Can Taylor ever find a shirt?!

Whaddya think?
lazypadawan: (smutap)
I'm going to take all of my Anakin/Padmé R+ rated fan fic, combine them into a single novel, up the kink factor, change the names of the characters to Anatole and Philomena, and have it set in a 17th century Lake Como villa. I'll get on the Today show and horny housewives will buy my book like candy, just like what happened with this chick and her Twilight BDSM fan fic:

It'll be just like printing the cash myself!

Update: Here's a different perspective on the issue:
lazypadawan: (badfanfiction)
Just found, kind of like Summary Executions, only with quotes from stories instead of the cracktastic summaries. You can see gems like these:

Harry Potter...

"The vampires, however, had fled, obviously no match for the Son of God's inexplicably amazing martial arts skills."

"'You idiot!’ Hermione hit Harry on the back of his head. ‘You know that Potters are known for male pregnancy. You have to be extremely careful when having sex Harry. What happens if you get pregnant with Gambit’s child? Then what are you going to do?’ Hermione asked.” (Harry Potter/X-Men, literally I suppose)

Representing Twilight...


“Bella made a face. 'Edward, did you just fart?' Edward squeezed his butt together. 'Maybe…'"

The good news is there's only this one bizarre Star Wars tale, a Transformers crossover...

"'Don’t be afraid' said Optimus to R2 'I’ll help you!' and Optimus bowels lights got on. Everything wwas iluminated and R2 really saw what it really was. A beautifully adorned rectum, full of portraits of Prime’s human friends that already visited the place. A camera apppeared from a wall and photographed R2-D2, and immediatelly put a portrait of him on a the bowel wall."

The majority of the stories seem to be slashy and the majority of the quotes are from sex scenes or discussion about sex, so view at your own risk. But it's hi-liarous.
lazypadawan: (Default)
The Way It Has To Be
Starring: Your pal and mine, Anakin Skywalker
Rated: PG

Anakin found nights like this the most difficult, when his mind was not on staying alive in the field, tending to his troops, calculating tactics. For when he was not focused on war, he dwelled on missing his beloved Padmé.

Where was she now? In the Senate? At home on Naboo? Never one for quiet meditation, Anakin preferred to work on his fighter or on Artoo when was feeling restless. Since he was already in the cockpit of his fighter, he decided to use its Holonet connection to see if he could find anything on her. Ah…the Senate's news service reported on Senator Amidala being present in the chamber only 12 hours ago. No new pictures of her though.

With a deep sigh, he drifted into memories of their last time spent together. He recalled the warm breezes off the lake rustling through the garden, the scent of blooming spring flowers in their favorite area of the garden. They'd had too much cherry wine with their midday meal outdoors and he'd started chasing her through a labyrinth, both of them laughing like small children. Finally, Padmé had run up against a solid wall of ivy and flowers. "I've got you," he'd teased as she fell into his arms laughing.

"How do you know I didn't lure you here on purpose?" she said flirtatiously, looking positively beautiful with her curly hair loose from the ribbons and fasteners adorning it.

"Well, then, you've got me." He could feel the warmth of her lips on his, recalling how his kisses became deeper and more insistent. He'd trailed his lips to her delicate jawline. She was so small, he could lean around her and kiss the nape of her neck…

Artoo whistled, snapping Anakin out of his reverie. He glanced down out of his cockpit to see Obi-Wan and Commander Cody approaching his ship. He snatched up the hydrospanner he'd let fall to his lap. He didn't want to explain to Obi-Wan what he'd been daydreaming about.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan called out in greeting, a wry smile on his face. Ever since the war began and especially since he'd become a full-fledged knight, Anakin had become very close to his former master. In fact, there was an intimacy between them that almost defied categorization. It was one that could only come from two beings strong in the Force having tolerant from and depend upon on one another. "Master," Anakin acknowledged with a smile of his own.

It saddened Anakin that he couldn't reveal his marriage to Obi-Wan. It angered him he had to hide it from everyone as though it as was something immoral.

"It's the way it has to be," Padmé's gentle voice reminded him in his memory. Anakin climbed out of the cockpit, refocusing his mind on what needed to be done.

lazypadawan: (CW A/P mush)
Yesterday I found a bunch of new stories I'd written within the past couple of years and forgotten about them! Here's the first one, a very short viggie/drabble:

When Dawn Comes

There was a time when Padmé found sunrise on Coruscant beautiful. Not to the same degree as on Naboo, of course, but the sight of the sun's rays peeking through the skyscrapers was a spectacle unto itself.

Now, there was a sadness with that beauty, for if dawn wasn't lonely, it was the setting for yet another farewell to her beloved.

It would begin with Anakin rising from their bed while it was still dark and it would end like this, in the foyer of her penthouse or on the veranda.

She couldn't bear to pry her arms from around his waist any more than he could bear to release his hands from her face. They couldn't bear to break their sad but loving gazes, even if it was so he could touch his lips to hers in a farewell kiss.

Their kiss deepened, neither one of them wanting it to end. Their tongues touched and he pulled her to him even tighter. The sunlight shone across the veranda like a spy peering on the secret lovers. The light made them self-aware and their passionate embrace ended.

"Quickly, before someone sees you," Padmé whispered. She withdrew from him first. Nodding reluctantly, he let her go and strode toward his ship.

"I love you. I'll be back soon," he said.

She waved and blew a kiss to him. He leapt into the ship's open cockpit and powered on the engines. He looked at her one last time before vanishing into Coruscant's traffic.

She was alone, a breeze rustling her gown.

lazypadawan: (Default)
A couple of weeks ago, I was cleaning out a drawer and found a folder with a whole bunch of old fanfics I wrote years ago. In fact these were among the very earliest stories I ever wrote, dating back to 1992-1993. There was even a note stashed in there on how to find a BBS that carried the old Echo Station newsgroup.

The very earliest stories were done on…wait for it…a typewriter! Then I got fancy with a word processor in ’93 and even sprung for a nifty font package in ’94. Those were just the ones I actually submitted to fanzines. In addition, I have pages upon pages of handwritten incomplete material that I abandoned for some reason or another.

I re-read a couple of the stories, which were eventually edited and published in some zine. One was “Luke-A-Palooza,” appropriately unearthed around the 20th anniversary of the real-life concerts that partially inspired the story. I think I wrote it in 1994, started when I was sitting around in a law library waiting for somebody to bring out something I’d requested, and it ended up in “Tremor In The Force” in 1995. Another one was the strangely-titled “Constellation of the Heart,” a tale that couldn’t decide if it was an action story or Han/Leia mush. I remember having to do a lot of edits on it before it was published in the ’95 issue of “Imperium.” Parts of it weren’t bad if I do say so myself, but I think I’d do a lot of revision/editing if I were to re-run it at some point.

I noticed a few things about my early stories. One: boy, were they long. Part of it was for mercenary reasons. I got a free zine if I submitted stories over a certain length, which encouraged me to write longer stories. Two: I guess because I was young, some of the dialogue and even the tone of these stories were rather arch. Not snarky, but arch. In the humorous stories, like “Luke-A-Palooza,” it was really arch. Who knew Luke could exchange Gilmore Girls-type patter, only without the Hollywood polish? Three: I came up with WTF or jokey titles for my stories. Some winners include “Bring Me The Head Of Han Solo” (thanks, Sam Peckinpah!) and the unpublished “We Looked At Danger And Laughed Our Heads Off.” I remember if I couldn’t come up with a title—and even in recent years, I struggled coming up with titles—I’d just look at the backs of my CD covers and cobble something together that way.

Honestly, I don’t think I hit my stride until about 10 years ago. The biggest compliment I got on a story with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan is that it sounded so much like them, the reader could hear the cinematic versions saying the dialogue I wrote. Maybe it was experience, maybe it was because the internet allowed for more stories so I wrote more often. Who knows? As I plow through piles of old stuff, perhaps I can find an answer.
lazypadawan: (Default)
A Need For Normal
Starring: Anakin and Padmé
Rated: PG for gently implied nookie

This was inspired by the recent Clone Wars episode "Evil Plans." "Hostage Crisis" takes place soon after and that episode showed Anakin trying to persuade Padmé to go away with him, but she was too much of a workaholic ;). [ profile] ladyaeryn wrote her own fic on what happened on that "retreat," heh heh. But this gets into why Anakin decided to propose the idea in the first place.

Despite a near-fiasco with the all-important cake, which turned out to be delicious, Padmé’s gathering for the Senator turned out to be a success. Anakin watched his beloved play the perfect hostess, a beautiful smile on her face. She was pleased, so he was pleased. And if she was happy, he was about to become a whole lot happier in a couple of hours or so. Anakin fought to keep the smirk off of his face.

When Anakin told Obi-Wan he was attending this reception as a favor to Padmé, and of course to help present a positive image of the Jedi to the very Senators in charge of the war, Obi-Wan replied that he would rather fall back into that nest of gundarks than attend a party with a bunch of politicians. Thankfully, Ahsoka was even less interested in the event.

But not only did Anakin want the opportunity to spend time with Padmé, he also liked the idea of being an unofficial co-host. It was as close as they could ever hope to get to being together as husband and wife in public. It was so…normal. A simple thing couple across the galaxy took for granted every day.

Yet he could not offer more than the slightest bit of affection toward Padmé in front of her colleagues. Couldn’t share funny stories about some misadventure together, couldn’t put his arm around her, or call her “dear” like all of the other married couples could.

Nevertheless, Anakin liked to live on the edge and, though she was loathe to admit, Padme did too. Sometimes. There were glances, shared winks, smiles only meant for one another, accidental brushing against each other. Were they fooling anyone? He didn’t know and as time went on, the less he cared.

As the evening ended, he watched Padme bid her guests farewell. Soon even the servant droids and baker droid either departed or took to the galley to finish cleaning up. Padmé dismissed her guards and her handmaidens had long since left. Did any of them notice Anakin quietly slipping into the shadows?

As he passed Artoo and Threepio on the way to the bedroom, he said, “Thanks. I owe you two.” He had already entered the bed chamber and shut the door while Threepio was still offering, “You’re quite welcome” and details about his negotiating skills. There were times when Anakin wondered what he was thinking when he programmed Threepio to be so loquacious.

He put on his sleep pants and slipped on a waist-length robe, tossing aside his Jedi gear. He only put some care into placing the ligthsaber close within his reach. He hopped onto the bed, propped himself up on the pillows, and lay back, closing his eyes. He awakened at the sound of Padmé’s voice.

“I’d hoped you would be able to stay tonight,” she said coquettishly as she sat beside him on the bed and ran her hand up and down his sternum. She had already changed into her nightgown and the impossibly complicated hairstyle she had earlier had been restored to her natural curls, tied back with a simple ribbon. The way he loved it best.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he said, grinning at her. A look passed between them and that was all it took for Anakin to wrap his arms around Padmé and roll her beneath him on the bed.

Early the next morning, he’d dressed before Padmé could wake. He had to be in the Temple in time to be seen. Before leaving, he gently kissed Padmé on her forehead. She stirred and mumbled a goodbye.

While striding down the Temple’s corridors, Anakin found himself wondering why things couldn’t always be the way they were over the past day or so. Why couldn’t he and Padmé just live their lives as husband and wife. He quieted his thoughts as soon as he saw Obi-Wan cheerfully coming toward him.

“Oh there you are, Anakin. I’ve been trying to reach you,” Obi-Wan said. “The Council has decided that after several weeks in battle, you need to recharge a bit and go on a meditative retreat.”

“A retreat? Now?” Anakin shook his head with disbelief.

“It’s only about a week or so,” Obi-Wan shrugged. “Besides, you have earned it.”

“What about Ahsoka?”

“I’ll keep a watch on her. Master Plo will as well. Don’t worry about her. She’ll be fine.” Obi-Wan patted Anakin on the arm. The former master and student went off to breakfast together, Anakin’s mind at work. A meditative retreat? Alone?

It raised all kinds of possibilities…ones he’ll have to discuss with Padmé.

lazypadawan: (Default)
1) Luke was homeschooled, partially out of necessity—there’s no Tatooine Desert Farm Unified School District—and partially for Luke’s protection. Beru, who was quite smart, did most of the teaching. Owen taught him all of the “practical” arts, including mechanical repair, and taught him how to drive hovercraft vehicles at a very young age. Luke is of course a natural with non-ground vehicles.

2) Darth Plageuis did not create Anakin, though those prankish midichlorians would be more than happy to make him think he did.

3) Palpatine was kind of like Damien from those Omen movies; everybody around him as a boy somehow dies mysteriously. Palpatine is a wealthy orphan by the time he’s 10. A mysterious tutor moves into the family manse, none other than our buddy Darth Plageuis. Plageuis’s Sithly visions led him to Palpatine and it was his projections of the Dark Side that prevented the Jedi from ever finding out about this Force-sensitive “talent” as a child.

4) That was Jar Jar exclaiming “Weesa free!” at the end of the DVD cut of ROTJ. Jar Jar was a spy during the Rebellion. Imperial forces didn’t take him seriously enough to suspect him of doing anything. He felt it was the least he could do after his role in giving Palpatine emergency powers and after Padme’s death, for which he blamed himself to some degree.

5) Han Solo is never sure of who he truly is. He’s not even certain his birth name was actually “Han Solo.” He has no idea what his true age is and for years he never celebrated his birthday. Chewbacca insisted on birthday celebrations, so Han picked a date from one his many fake ids.

6) Not really a “head canon” thing as it is an obscure pop culture reference, but in more than one fic I’ve written, the characters drink cherry wine. This is from an ‘80s top 40 hit, “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” that features the line, “We could dance and party all night/And drink some cherry wine, uh huh!” I always thought this was kind of funny because the only cherry wine I’ve seen are of the Mad Dog or Manischewitz varieties. But it’s all over the place in the GFFA, especially on Naboo and Alderaan ;).

7) What did Anakin and Padmé have with dinner and her seven blossom bread in that CW episode “Senate Spy?” Cherry wine!

8) Padmé is actually a fairly good cook.

9) Anakin and Padmé sometimes sneak out in disguise together while on Coruscant. Sometimes Padmé disguises herself as one of her own decoys/handmaidens. They purposely choose the worst-lit establishments in which to meet or hang out.

10) Leia on the other hand, couldn't cook for a long time. Never had to. The woman could burn cereal. She got better at it, eventually.
lazypadawan: (Default)
Some f-listers have been posting their headcanon about various SW characters, little known facts about characters they write about in their fan fics. Some have very elaborate and very specific ideas on these things.

I tend to keep stuff like that close to my chest and I also don’t get terribly invested in them because when it comes to SW, things can change at a moment’s notice. Who knew six years ago that Anakin would ever have an apprentice? Who knew until last week that Sy Snootles was capable of cold-blooded murder? Who knew in 1982 that Leia was Luke’s twin sister? Who would have guessed in 1977 that Darth Vader was Luke’s father?

Still, I have a few ideas big and small about the SW universe that have yet to be shattered by real canon that do affect what I write in my fics:

1. Obi-Wan as a kid asks the crèche master one day who his real parents were. He is told his mother was a courtesan and his father was some functionary in the diplomatic corps. They were unmarried and the courtesan offered up her son because the Jedi could provide a better life for her talented tot. When Obi-Wan’s a little older, he realizes other younglings and padawans are told similar tales. When Obi-Wan is about 20 years older, he recognizes the value of the Little White Lie. Though the crèche master was truthful about the guy in the diplomatic corps. Obi-Wan’s surname was chosen from a directory on his home world.

2. Qui-Gon is an ethnic Corellian. For sure. Since the Jedi Order scooped him up, he is not one of those wackadoodle Corellian We Can Do Whatever We Want Jedi from the EU.

3. Shmi Skywalker is Force-sensitive. Maybe it’s my Catholic bias showing, but only someone with midichlorian mojo in her own blood could handle carrying The Chosen One. Unfortunately, her talents are modest and fading by the time Qui-Gon shows up and she is long since past the time where she could be trained.

4. Palpatine believes he is the Sith’ari, kind of the Sith version of the Messiah. His accomplishment in destroying the Jedi Order, turning the Chosen One into his apprentice, and ruling the galaxy pretty much confirms that belief.

5. I know this one is precarious, but I think Cad Bane ultimately trains Boba Fett. Aurra Sing taught him how to be merciless. Bane will finish up the rest of his education. (Plz, Dave, make this come true!)

6. Luke and Leia are gifted with all kinds of oddball powers no known Jedi was able to possess, and with Palpatine a goner and the Dark Side’s shadow abated, these powers start to become more obvious (EU notwithstanding).

7. Leia in particular is gifted with an extremely high IQ.

8. For years, the Naberries refuse to publicly discuss Padme’s death or her mysterious pregnancy. Privately, they believe she was involved with Anakin and think that perhaps she was murdered for that reason. By who, they’re not sure. Ruwee dies too soon, still broken-hearted by his daughter’s death. Eventually Sola tries to investigate on her own what really happened, only to be told by Bail Organa that she was playing with fire. Since her daughter exhibits an interest in the Imperial Senate, she backs off.

9. Darth Vader and the Imperial officer corps have a mutual loathing society thing happening. Vader thinks many of them are there because they’re good at kissing @$$, came from the right families, or got moved up because they screwed up (*cough*Ozzel*cough*). The Imperial officers believe Vader is some kind of creepy caped weirdo and don’t like him second-guessing them. One of the few exceptions is Piett. He and Vader get each other.

10. Vader however, has a different relationship with his troops and pilots. He genuinely respects them and looks out for them, and in return they are extremely loyal. It’s an honor among stormies and TIE pilots to serve alongside him. This goes back to Anakin’s relationship with the clonetroopers during the Clone Wars.

11. Vader and Tarkin haaate each other’s guts. Vader so doesn’t miss Tarkin after that little mishap at the end of ANH. He tells Palpatine that he will never serve alongside a systems governor ever again. Vader hates those guys even more than he hates the Imperial officer corps.

12. Vader thinks the Empire is a huge disappointment but it’s a preferable alternative to the chaos of the Rebellion and the return of a corrupt galactic Republic. He still thinks democracy doesn’t work. You just need the right person in charge.

Of course, there's more...
lazypadawan: (Default)
The Passenger
Rated PG For Potential Spookiness
Starring: Ahsoka Tano
Summary: Ahsoka and Rex pick up a lone refugee on a dark and stormy night

The troop transport was making its way across a valley during a driving rainstorm at night. Ahsoka spotted the young girl first--not much older than she--standing by the side of the muddied roadway. The girl wasn't dressed for a night like this one. She was wet and forlorn, her only source of warmth a magenta scarf wrapped around her head and neck.

"Halt," Ahsoka told the the transport pilot. She and Captain Rex hopped out of the transport and walked over to the girl. Ahsoka ad seen the look on her face far too often across the galaxy, ever since this war started. A refugee, alone and separated from her family, maybe the only survivor. Her home lost.

Still, both Ahsoka and Rex had their hands on their weapons. One never knew if a seemingly harmless civilian was in fact a Separatist, a spy, or a bounty hunter.

"Can we help you?" Ahsoka asked.

"I'm trying to get my to my parents' home in Haal-Ru," the girl said, her voice as brittle as glass. "I was coming from Aldaveda."

Aldaveda was a small city devastated by the clash between Seps and Republic forces. Refugees had been fleeing all over. Haal-Ru just happened to be behind Republic lines and the destination of the transport.

"We're heading to Haal-Ru. I can offer you a ride there," Ahsoka said.

"I am most grateful. Yes," the girl said. Ahsoka sensed no deception in the girl, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Ahsoka and Rex checked her for weapons, then once aboard the transport, Ahsoka made sure the girl sat between her and Rex.

As the transport rolled on, Ahsoka couldn't help but notice there was something unusual about the passenger. Her impression in the Force was different and she seemed to radiate cold instead of heat. Perhaps the girl was cold from being out in the storm. Ahsoka hoped she wasn't suffering from hypothermia.

Could she be a shapeshifter? Master Skywalker had encountered one once, a Clawdite. But again, Ahsoka did not sense any deception.

The girl didn't say much on the rest of the journey to Haal-Ru. At one point she removed her scarf, explaining that it was a bit warm on the transport. No hypothermia then but the girl still didn't radiate warmth.

Not long after they passed through Haal-Ru's outskirts, the girl asked for the transport to stop. Rex ordered the pilot to halt, then he accompanied Ahsoka and the passenger outside. The rain had stopped but the air was still thick with humidity. The girl pointed to a small house nearby. "That's it, that's my parents' home." For the first time, she smiled. "I have to go. Thank you so much for your kindness."

"You're welcome," Ahsoka said as she and Rex watched from a distance as the girl went up to the door and stepped inside.


If Rex thought there was anything unusual about the girl, he kept it to himself. They got back aboard the transport and it arrived at base camp a short time later. As they disembarked, a clonetrooper scooped up from beneath where the passenger had sat her scarf. He handed it to Ahsoka.

"Oh no, she left her scarf," Ahsoka said. "Well, it's late to return it now, but maybe tomorrow I'll find the time to go by the house."

The next day, Ahsoka went through a debriefing and a battery of training exercises with Master Skywalker. After the midday meal, she had some free time. She retrieved the scarf from her quarters and walked through the streets until she found her way back to the house the girl had entered the night before.

It was a small but immaculately-kept home and it was eerily silent. For a brief moment, Ahsoka wondered if anyone was even home. But she went up to the front door and knocked.

A few moments later, it creakily slid open. In the threshold stood an older woman not much taller than Ahsoka. She wondered if the woman was the girl's grandmother. "May I help you, Mistress Jedi?" the woman asked as she glanced at Ahsoka's lightsaber.

"We were traveling through the valley last night when we picked up a girl, who asked to be let off here. She left her scarf and I was just looking to bring it back." She held out the neatly-folded scarf.

The woman's eyes went wide. "That's impossible..."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You said she left this?"


The woman's eyes filled with tears and her mouth gaped open. "I'm sorry...I don't know how to tell you this."

Ahsoka raised her brow but the woman looked distressed.

"This scarf belonged to my daughter. It had been lost for years. It was lost the night she was traveling across the valley from Aldaveda 40 years ago. She disappeared and then...her body was found several days later. Her murder was never solved."


When Ahsoka returned to camp, Master Skywalker took one look at her and said, "What's the matter, Snips? You look like you just saw a ghost."

"Master, I think I did."

Anakin looked at her with bemusement, folding his arms. "What happened?" Ahsoka explained the whole story and Anakin, much to her chagrin, chuckled.

"Snips, that story is the oldest one in the universe. There's a different version on every planet."

"But, Master..."

"Somebody's pulling your leg. Besides, we know what happens when we die. We become one with the Force. There's no such thing as ghosts."

"I know that. Still, I don't think the lady I spoke to was lying. She showed me proof. I saw her daughter's picture. It was the same person I saw last night. I swear!"

Anakin put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Maybe some R&R is in order, Snips." Ahsoka sighed. She wasn't going to convince anyone.

It was a shame because now her interest was piqued in a long-ago unsolved mystery...

The End
lazypadawan: (AOTC a/p look)
Charting Their Course
Starring: Padmé & Anakin
Rated: PG

Charting Their Course

She knew it was just as hard for Anakin as it was for her to walk side-by-side, the very images of their serious personas. She was still the Senator even though she was in a tan flightsuit and red vest, her long hair held in place with silver beads. He was covered with his Jedi cloak. They did not look like a young couple deeply--and secretly--in love. But it was what they had to be as they strode across the landing pad to Padmé's waiting yacht, their respective droids in tow. In Coruscant's gleaming daylight, there were too many prying eyes.

Officially, she was returning to Naboo to recuperate from her harrowing battle on Geonosis and he was continuing his assignment as her protector and escort, since those who meant to kill her were still on the loose.

Unofficially, she had made a promise to Obi-Wan she would use the opportunity to extinguish what he feared was happening, that Anakin was developing an attachment to her. That nuna's egg has already hatched, Obi-Wan. As they made their way up the ship's ramp, Padmé bit her lip a moment as she contemplated how Anakin was going to react to what she was about to tell him.

Once aboard the ship, they set about preparing for departure: securing her luggage, running through the checklists, double-checking supplies. Even though they were now alone with the droids, it was still all-business.

They settled into the cockpit for takeoff, Artoo and Threepio already bickering and bantering. Anakin took the controls. He loved piloting and Padmé figured he wanted to get as much practice as possible with his new mechanical hand. It gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the viewport. He was still a little self-conscious about the skeletal hand but he seemed somewhat fascinated with it as it coordinated effortlessly with his natural movements.

The ship cleared Coruscant's atmosphere and the yacht gracefully moved around the heavy traffic of other vessels entering or leaving the planet. Once they cleared Coruscant's orbit and reached open space, Anakin entered hyperspace coordinates for Naboo and pulled the lever. Padmé was sucked into her seat as the stars streaked into lines.

Once the ship was safely in hyperspace, they removed their safety belts. Then Anakin turned and asked Artoo to run diagnostics with Threepio. As soon as the droids were out of the cockpit, Anakin and Padmé fell into each other's arms. They kissed passionately, Padmé running her fingers through Anakin's short hair and his hands entwined on the small of her back. They hadn't been able to fully express their love since leaving Geonosis and all Padmé wanted to do was get lost in the moment with him.

When they slowly and reluctantly broke off their kiss, Padmé opened her eyes and gazed at Anakin's preternaturally handsome face, his gleaming blue eyes, the smile--the first one she'd seen in a while--on his full lips. She couldn't end it now with Anakin even if she'd fully intended to so. Ianna help her, every word she said to Obi-Wan was a lie. She couldn't end it with Anakin even if she'd fully intended to do so. She couldn't leave him even if her very life depended on it. There was no life without Anakin.

But would her darling agree to what she was about to say?

"Ani, we need to talk," she said, cupping her hands on his shoulders. Worry faded his smile away.

"What is it?" he asked as he searched her eyes, as though he was trying to divine whether or not she would honor her pledge of love only weeks before.

"While you were in recovery, I had a lot of time to think." Worry turned to dread in Anakin's expression and his grip around her waist tightened.


"And I realized I had to decide once and for all where to chart our course." She swallowed. "Simply sleeping with you wouldn't be enough. I love you too much. Keeping you as a lover wouldn't honor what we have. Leaving you, cutting you out of my life forever, would kill me. I can no more live without you than I could live without water, food, or air." Anakin's grip relaxed somewhat, but his lips opened as he appeared confused. Blinking back tears, Padmé continued.

"I came to only one conclusion. It may damn us all, but I don't care. We'll have just enough time when we get home." She took a deep breath. "Marry me, Ani. Be my husband and I will be your wife. Please?" By now the tears were falling and she bit her lip to keep from sobbing. Her heart pounded with nervousness.

Anakin's eyes widened with astonishment, then he beamed with joy. "Yes, of course, I will," he said, embracing her. Impulsively, he picked her up off of her feet and whirled her around in the small cockpit. "I was hoping to ask you, but I guess you beat me to it." He set her back down on the floor.

"Now, Ani, we must do this in secret. If the Jedi are not to know, then the Queen cannot know either. Maybe someday we can tell my family, but I have to protect them now. It will be just the two of us at Varykino, and the droids can be our witnesses. We can find a discreet holy man. I don't know how we're going to arrange it all, but…"

Anakin gently placed a finger on her lips.

"It'll be all right. We'll figure it out and make it work," he said gently. He leaned in and kissed her again. Wrapped up in Anakin's slow moving lips, the anxieties melted away. None of it mattered. Anakin would be hers forever.


The idea for this fic came from a discussion of Karen Miller's first Clone Wars book. Someone made the suggestion that based on Padmé's conversation with Obi-Wan, she wouldn't be surprised if Padmé was the one who proposed to Anakin. My head canon still says Anakin's the one who proposed but I thought it would be an interesting idea to contemplate.
lazypadawan: (madaotcani)
Anger Is An Energy
Starring: Anakin Skywalker
Rated PG

He knows it's wrong. He'd been taught his whole life, or close to it, that a Jedi didn't let anger control him. It was supposed to just wash over him like a wave over a rock, gone as quickly as it came. And he always tried to do just that.

But he'd learned something he never shared with Obi-Wan and certainly not with any other Jedi. Anger sometimes made everything clear. Anger could bring order to the chaos within him. It told him the right course of action. It told him what was just. It focused him like nothing else did. It banished his fear and that made him feel powerful. In control.

Whenever he saw Ahsoka's temper flare, he automatically did what he'd been taught and sought to extinguish her anger. Especially if it was directed at him. But a part of him wanted to teach her, "This is how you make it useful."

Padmé had told him on that awful day when he'd returned with his mother's body to be angry was to be human. So beautiful and wise. She was something else the Jedi didn't fully understand because they try so hard to deny what was human. Being in her arms was the only other thing in the universe that made sense. In fact, love made even more sense than anger...

"I'm no fool. I learned something from Tatooine and Geonosis." Anger, when uncontrolled, unfocused, and matched with inexperience, could be destructive. The shame of what happened with the Sand People still haunted him and his flexing artificial hand were testaments to those bitter lessons. Now he knew better. Anger had to be an ally who rarely visits and only when needed. It must be wielded with the precision of a lightsaber.

So far, it has served him well.
lazypadawan: (badfanfiction)
My post on TFU the other day started a rather interesting discussion on what constitutes a Mary Sue or its male counterpart, a Gary Stu.

I first heard the term shortly after I started reading Star Wars fan fiction in the early 1990s and I quickly learned one thing about it. "Mary Sue" is a bit like how Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart once described hardcore's hard to define but you know it when you see it. One snarky definition I heard was "when a (fan fiction) author inserts herself into a story and inserts several canon characters into her." That doesn't necessarily need to happen though for a Mary Sue to exist.

The term "Mary Sue" originated in a 1970s Star Trek fic that parodied a particular kind of fan fiction where it was painfully obvious the original character was an all-too-perfect, spotlight-stealing stand-in for the author. In a nutshell the original character in question, Mary Sue, was the youngest person ever to graduate from Starfleet Academy and gets placed on the Enterprise. Everybody who matters in Star Trek gravitates to her. Kirk naturally hits on her but Mary Sue isn't that kind of girl. Mary Sue is brave, heroic, and just all around awesome. She bravely sacrifices her life for the crew and a holiday is created in her honor.

I've read a number of fics over the years that featured painfully obvious Mary Sues. Luke Skywalker seemed to be a popular target for these kinds of fan fics. Poor guy. Though I've read a few "Spacer Sue" stories involving Han Solo and have seen quite a few Obi-Sue stories online post TPM. I think the grand prize winner for worst Star Wars Mary Sue story ever goes to a tale called "The Destined One," shockingly written by someone who taught creative writing at a small college somewhere. It was like a textbook Mary Sue. The original character is a teacher from "Terran" who ends up in the GFFA. As it turned out, Obi-Wan hid her there decades ago because she was Luke's Destined One. Once she meets up with Luke, they start calling each other Destined One. Of course she is gifted in the Force and she goes with Luke to Yavin IV to train Jedi. Everybody gravitates toward the original character and one Jedi student falls in love with her. She flips out when he hits on her and when she rejects his advances, he turns to the Dark Side. She could be doing more to train Jedi but all she wants to do is have Luke's babies. (There's a funny bit at the end where she gives birth to twins and shortly thereafter, defies medical reality and gets pregnant again.) That story along with the original Mary Sue Star Trek story inspired my Star Wars Mary Sue satire, "Hello, Jedi Sue." In that one, Jedi Sue is Obi-Wan's secret daughter, her midichlorian level is two times Luke's and Anakin's combined, she leads Rogue Squadron to victory, she flies the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid field AS she saves Han from a heart attack, she becomes Leia's BFF and Leia gives her the only memento she has of Padmé, and of course, she is Luke's one and only TRUE love. She dies at one point and Leia declares it a worse tragedy than Alderaan. But she resurrects herself and everyone lives happily ever after.

[ profile] fernwithy wrote a great piece in 2005 on what is and what isn't a Mary Sue:

I come from the old school on this one; a Mary Sue is a fan fiction or outside-the-canon error. It's a failure to make a character believably fit into a particular universe because the author's motivations are to remake the universe in her image. A Mary Sue is an intruder. It's a literary bull in somebody else's china shop. A Star Wars Mary Sue is a better lover to Anakin than Padmé, wiser than Yoda, a more powerful Sith than Palpatine or Darth Vader, Han's one true love (not named Leia), or the real savior of the Alliance. A Twilight Mary Sue is the secret love that has haunted Edward all of these decades and completely affects his relationship with Bella. A Potter Sue would be the real chosen one who shadows Harry Potter all of the way, making decisions that affect the outcome of the story. They upset the order of the story and the relationships in it for the glorification of the author's original character.

Self-insertion or modeling a character after the author is often associated with Mary Sues but it's a bit more complicated than that. Plenty of authors have created canon characters that are idealized versions of themselves or at least inspired by the author's experiences. By that definition, who isn't a Mary Sue/Gary Stu? Does anyone really think Ian Fleming was as suave as James Bond or that either George Lucas or Steven Spielberg are as sharp or knowledgeable as Indiana Jones? Gene Roddenberry sure had his luck with the ladies but he never had Captain Kirk's swagger or Jean Luc Picard's gravitas. Tabula rasas like Bella Swan aren't unto themselves Mary Sues either. They're there for any reader to identify as the character and well, she's supposed to be there in the first place. There's no story without her.

That's the distinction I make between characters who are the author's creations as opposed to a fan's or paid-for outside author's creations. A canon protagonist is part of the fabric of that universe; the creator put him there so he belongs there. A character may be annoying, a little too perfect, or in some way unlikable, but it's the creator's universe. It's his or her prerogative to define it as he or she sees fit; you can decide whether you like it or not. Some of you guys have said, "What about Wesley Crusher? What about Ginny Weasley?" They have all of the trademarks of a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu, yet they are also canon characters. So what are they? For all I know, Wesley Crusher might be kind of a strange parody of the original Mary Sue story. But Roddenberry put him there. You don't have to like ol' Wesley, he may be or may not be a terrible and annoying character, but he's as much a part of Trek as anyone else. Ginny may be an annoying or bad character and fixing her up with Harry might be have been a poor decision, but it's Rowling's call to make. She created that world.

Now I have seen fans take canon characters and turn them into Mary Sues, but those are usually peripheral and not-terribly-well-defined characters. It was almost as though the author was too lazy to make her own character or figured using a canon bit player would throw off the critics.

I have of course seen Mary Sues/Gary Stus in Star Wars pro-fic, otherwise known as the Expanded Universe. A lot of people cite Mara Jade or Grand Admiral Thrawn but for my money the biggest Mary Sue of them all is Bria Tharen. Tharen was not only Han's true love and broke his heart, she also charms Boba Fett into not capturing or killing her, and she is even more instrumental to getting the Death Star plans than Princess Leia. She totally usurps Leia's role and it got annoying as hell by the third book in the Han Solo series. Of course, she gamely sacrifices herself for the Alliance.

So that's how I see the whole Mary Sue thing. In recent years it's almost become a label for "a character I don't like." I've seen plenty of original characters I don't like; in fact I find most OCs really boring. Yet not all rise to the level of Suedom.
lazypadawan: (Default)
I've been reading some of your fan fics and headcanon about the backgrounds of some the characters. Sorry I haven't commented, but I've enjoyed a lot of it. Maybe I'll have to ramble about my headcanon at some point. None of it will make any sense ;)
lazypadawan: (team anakin)
Today is the first annual SW Prequel Appreciation Day. This had been an idea festering in my mind over the past six months and I thought I’d float it to see what kind of reaction I would get. The goal wasn’t to get official fandom on board or get Hallmark cards printed out. After all, the first time I’d ever heard of May the 4th was when some co-workers told me about it in 2003. Who knows how long it was around before that? Besides, SW Day to me was May 25.

Anyway, the goal was to plant the seed for something that could be much, much bigger over time. Now I have a better idea of how to spread the word on something. Next year, there will be more to promote our love for Eps I-III.

Why do we need a Prequel Appreciation Day? I don’t think Eps I-III get a fair shake and I don’t think official fandom has enough emotionally invested in them to back them up. The people who don’t like the prequels have both the mainstream media and the internet echo chamber on their side, mostly because it’s the way of the media culture to prop up then attack icons. Without the real passion for Eps I-III on its end, I think official fandom kind of shrugs at this sentiment instead of figuring out a way to overcome it. Not only is the ongoing bashing potentially destructive to SW’s legacy, not only has it turned SW fandom into two camps, it’s also hurtful to those of us who have loved and supported these movies as part of the SW family. I would do no less if the targets were Eps IV-VI and I figure many of you wouldn’t either. It’s up to the fans to stand up, be counted, and help turn this thing around. I’m not interested in choosing one trilogy over another. I’m a fan of the saga, the whole enchilada, and I want to see a greater appreciation for how all of the movies work together as a whole.

By the way, check out the fics on [ profile] swficchallenge for stories whipped up just for the occasion!

Has it really been half a decade since the last SW movie debuted in theaters? In some ways it shouldn’t seem that long and in other ways, one can appreciate how the blockbuster landscape has changed even since then. Go back in the sands of time to read some of my early reactions to the film.

Having seen it several times since May 19, 2005, occasionally I wonder if this one is really the best of the series. Not a favorite mind you; favorite and best are two different things. But on an artistic level, I think Lucas really outdid himself. This is the part of the prequel timeline he really wanted to tell and the last oh, 45 minutes or so of the film are just pitch-perfect. Even before that are scenes that while they don’t have the trademark action and adventure, are still just amazing film work. Exhibit #1 is the great opera scene with Anakin and Palpatine. For my money, I think it is the best-written and acted scene in the entire series. And you know I love all of them! Hayden Christensen and the brilliant Ian McDiarmid, who really should have gotten a Supporting Actor nomination, played perfectly off each other. It feels like a scene from a Godfather film. Maybe it was a little tribute to Lucas’s old mentor Francis Ford Coppola. Exhibit #2 is the amazing dialogue-free ruminations scene. Anakin and Padme are far apart, yet one can feel the love and powerful connection between the two of them as he struggles with the greatest moral dilemma of his life. Exhibit #3 is the Order 66 scene. A hat-tip to “Battleship Potemkin” turns out to be even more emotionally gripping than Eisenstein’s Soviet propaganda. Genius. The opening sequence is second only to ANH’s as my favorite and who couldn’t love the film’s coda?

Visually, it remains a beautiful film to look at. I can’t wait to see it in 3D, hint hint.

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